I recently was talking to a friend about how hard it is to loose someone that plays a huge role in my life. It is hard to accept the fact the they are, in fact, gone. We try our best to push our feelings aside to avoid the pain. We shouldn't do that, though.
That's what helps us come to terms with the fact they are gone. My friend told me something that really stood out to me about grief. She was talking and said “in order to accept and be okay, we have to do things that make us think of the person.” When you think about this it is true.
It does help to me doing something that you used to do with that person. I often catch myself doing something like that. For example, I built flower boxes and that was something my dad and I would've done. I just stopped and smiled. I knew that he was proud of me. It also helps knowing that he taught me how to do stuff like that and I would not have the knowledge or skills to do that without him. I don't think I will ever be to the point that I can won't be sad about the fact they are not here, but I'm slowly getting to a better place with the whole situation.
It's hard learning to live without someone who played such a big role in your life. I still catch myself wanting to call when something happens, but then I remember that I can't do that. This is probably the hardest part of losing someone. Another hard thing for me is that there is some places I can't go because I'm scared. I'm scared of the way I will feel, which brings me back to the avoiding pain. I can't go ride go carts or go to Key West. I used to love going to Key West and riding go carts. I am too scared of crying and my heart hurting. It's weird people will be like I understand what you are going through and I just want to say no you don't. Every death is different and every person is different. Everyone copes with things differently. That's why I say I kinda understand what you are going through. Unless their dad died the same way mine did then it wouldn't be the same. Some people have time to say goodbye and some don't. That is why it's different for everyone and why it's so hard to comfort someone who has just lost a loved one.
One day I hope that I will be able to say I'm okay and I'm over it, but that is not the case and that the will never happen. I will always miss him and wish he was here, but he is looking down and watching over me. I am thankful for all the wonderful memories I have of him. He stepped in when I needed him the most and I wouldn't be who I am today without that.
