Imagine depression as a rain cloud - a little black rain cloud.
The cloud hangs over your head. It follows you where ever you go. It's almost like a sadistic accessory - a bitter friend. And it's attached to you. Tightly.
Like all things, the cloud starts out small.
It begins with a thought or a mindset- a wisp. However, with every negative thought, every drop of sadness, every doubt, every bad situation- the raincloud gets bigger and darker. The cloud goes from a wisp, to a full blown dark puff.
As time goes on, the chill of the cloud becomes more and more prominent. The cloud gets bigger.
You can literally feel the icy breath of pain as the cloud breathes.
The weight and presence of the cloud gets heavier as it grows. It turns from little rain cloud to a thunderstorm.
Suddenly, everything seems dark. Gloomy. It's as if you're walking in some sort of dream where everything is black and white. There is no life. No hope. No friends. There is certainly no happiness.
That face in the mirror becomes your bitter enemy. Useless. Worthless. Hideous. Unwanted.
That little black rain cloud becomes your only friend.
You can't talk to anyone about it; they wouldn't understand. You retreat into your own little world where nothing else exists, but you and your cloud.
Then, the next stage comes.
There comes a point in your life when the weight and chill of the cloud gets to be too much. The cloud goes from a sadistic accessory to a heavy burden. You go from walking, to dragging your feet along the ground. The weight settles on you, chilling your heart.
There's no where to turn. You're stuck. You are drowning under the weight of your own cloud. There's no escape. So what is the point of living like this?
This is where one of two things can happen.
One; you could end it. End it all. You could risk taking a journey to wherever death brings you.
There is ,however, another way. A better way. This is the way I took.
When that little black rain cloud got too heavy-when the burden became to much for the cloud to hold- I let it rain.
I let it pour, and released everything that rain cloud had. Tears, pain, regret, doubt, insecurities, confusion: all poured down.
Then, it stopped.
I became empty. Completely and utterly empty.
Then I looked up, and I realized something. The cloud had gotten lighter.
No longer was it a little black rain cloud, but just a cloud.
An empty, white cloud.
Since the cloud was empty, that meant it could be filled with anything I want. I could choose what I was going to do next. It meant freedom.
That was when I took a breath, and did something I haven't done in a very long time.
I smiled, and the sun shone bright.
