I could've never imagined this would've happened. I would have never thought that you could possibly do me so wrong that I physically felt too sick to my stomach to even stand up. I should put all the blame on you, meanwhile part of me wants to blame myself. Why did I ever let you in? Why did I ever open up to you? why did I let you see every part of me that you never even deserved to see? Why did I feel safe trusting you? Why did I let you have so much control over my life and my well-being? I don't get it. I don't get you.
You know it's kind of funny, at times like this I would be crying but in this case I think I'm just too overwhelmed to just express one emotion at a time. I think overall, I can say I'm furious.
Furious at the fact that you thought it was okay to just break my heart with no explanation why.
Furious at the fact that you took advantage of all my love and dedication towards you.
Furious at the fact that I ever spoke any good words about you and your character.
But, more furious at the fact that you think you can walk back into my life when it's convenient for you.
Furious at the fact that you unfortunately know me. Such deep, personal things about me that I could never take back, along with every spot on my body you've ever layed a finger on.
I preached like a fool that you were nothing but a good man. A dedicated, not like the others, good hearted man. You made me look foolish to everybody. I never knew what true heart break was until you came along and showed me firsthand. I've been lied to, taken as a joke, and dropped with no explanation at all and I'm still trying to see the best in you. Still trying to figure out what made you want to tear me apart. Why? I'm still trying to love like I've never been hurt. Why? That says a lot about my character and what you put me through says a lot about yours.
I doubt you will ever even read this, but if you somehow manage to come across it, hear this- I don't think there will ever be a time where I will forgive you and what you have done. All the damage you have done to me mentally. Making me break down my mind, body, and soul. Not giving a fuck about my own well- being. An apology will never do it. You of all people know I'm always the one to give a lot of chances, but no way in hell will I be mistaken for a fool ever in my life because of you, a second time.
I hope hurting me was worth it.
I hope losing me was worth it.
I hope whoever you settle down with will never feel the pain I felt, because of you. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.
I hope my name taste like poison when it comes out of your mouth and your heart stings when you hear it.
You will never know me, up close and personal like you did. Only from the sidelines, if that, and In the end I hope everything you put me through was well worth it. Because I've slipped right through your grip, and you will never get to know the new and improved me. The girl who has nothing but self love and confidence when she wakes up in the morning. That now, even though It took a long time, realizes her worth and will never let anybody take advantage or walk all over her ever again.
I could've never pictured any of this ever happening but It's a shame you didn't appreciate what you had, until it was gone and doing better.