Growing up, I always believed that one day I would magically fall in love with a handsome and kind prince charming and that we would live happily ever after. I was told by my parents, my relatives, pop culture, and society in general that he’s supposed to pay for dinner, he’s supposed to open the car door, he’s supposed to give you his coat when it gets cold outside. Now that I’m (mostly) grown up I’m realizing that this is not necessarily the reality. A lot of feminists today like to skew this once chivalrous action to make it seem like it’s a bad thing, and it could be, depending on how you’re looking at it. Recently in my Women in American History class we discussed this as well. My professor said that a lot of feminists in the 70s opposed this notion of what the man is supposed to do because of the exchange that seemed to be in place—men pay for things, they are the polite and respectful providers, and women cook and clean, take care of the children and the home, and are essentially housewives. In that respect, this makes a lot of sense. If that’s the price of the deal between men and women then I don’t want it either. I don’t want to give up my aspirations, my diligence, my dignity, just for the money and so called “appreciation” that comes with a boyfriend or a husband. I’m not sure this is the case anymore though.

First, I want to put a disclaimer here saying that I am not at all against feminism or generalizing what feminists believe. I know there are many different shades and degrees of feminism out there and everyone holds their own separate core beliefs. I’m just speaking to things I’ve experienced in life and on social media.

To the feminists who wholly believe that all men who hold the door for you or who pay for your meal are trying to undermine you or undercut your accomplishments, know that this is probably not the truth. I’m not saying there aren’t men like this out there, because there definitely are. Some guys are misogynistic jerks who actually want your sole purpose in life to be cooking and cleaning. However, the overwhelming majority of men are doing all of these things because they genuinely respect and care for you. From experience, I can honestly say that most of them are supportive and don’t want an archaic provider/consumer relationship, but rather one created with equality and encouragement in mind.

With that being said, I want to be the type of woman who is able to see who I am and what is being asked of me. I want to be the woman who knows when a man is treating me right and respecting every ounce of my being, and to have the strength to get up and fight when it’s no longer okay. I want to be a woman who understands and appreciates everything a man has to offer me, but know when it’s enough. I want to be a woman who is able to stand up for myself and is not dependent on anyone to provide for or support me. A woman who is self-sufficient on my own achievements, capabilities, and skills. But also a woman who recognizes when I need help, and who isn’t afraid to ask for it. A woman who is able to stand on my own two feet, but has a strong support system to fall back on. I want to be a woman who loves my family and my friends and who knows that they will always be there as that support system. Most of all, I want to be a woman who triumphs and succeeds in every way possible, not in spite or because of a man, but because I put in the dedication, I put in the passion, and I put herself there.