Recently, I had my heart broken and I thought my life was over because of a boy. It sucks that he broke my heart, but if he didn’t then I would never have realized all the things I have since it ended. I have realized a handful of things, but the most important thing is that I have to put myself first; at least every once in awhile. It’s important for me to find myself before I do anything else and that’s the point I’m at now.
I have spoken to my friends and family and each and every one of them told me the same thing. “Focus on you, Amanda, because at the end of the day you have only yourself to rely on.” I have been told to focus on myself more times than I can count, but I never took it seriously because I always wanted to put everyone else first.
By nature, I’m a caring person and I care more about how others feel than about how I feel even when it hurts me. I will always care about everyone else just as much as I always have, but I have learned that there comes a time where I have to be conscious of my own feelings and how things are affecting me. Even though it hasn’t been that way for long, I have learned what it means to put myself first and take care of myself. I’m slowly getting back to the person I once was that I lost track of somewhere along the way.
In my efforts to find myself, I have starting getting back into photography, which was always something I loved to do. I have started taking care of myself physically and I’ve been keeping myself busy as much as possible. I’m being myself more than I ever have been and I’m beyond proud of myself for not letting a break up get the best of me. Losing someone you thought would be your future is heartbreaking and turns your whole world upside down, but after crying for a few days, I picked myself back up and moved forward as fast as I could.
I don’t deserve to be upset to the point that I cry everyday over someone. It isn’t worth it because there are so many other things I could do with my energy. Even though I’m not completely over it, I have worked hard lately to get myself back in check and focus on the important things. I am focused on school now more than I ever have been, I’m writing articles every week, I’m working part-time at a job I love, and I’m going out more and enjoying myself. I’m happier than I thought I would be, but I’m not questioning it. I’m just going to continue to do some soul searching and discover what I really want in life, and I’m going to be just fine.
It is so important to find your own way in life and not be dependent on anyone else for your own happiness. Although it’s okay to allow others to make you happy, it’s important to love yourself and know who you are and what you want before you can be with someone. Find who you are, what you like to do, and what you’re looking for before anything else and make sure you know what you want.
