If you read my last article, you know that I was already going to be writing about what I like to call "Filler Friends" or "Fillers".
By definition (my definition)- Filler Friends are friends you hangout with when your Forever Friends are busy, people you need to survive socially but you wouldn't go get them if they were drunk at 3 am, you don't know every single aspect of their personal life/ personality/etc, and you will probably lose contact with them if you were ever removed from the scene in which you socialize with them in.
Examples: Roommates, coworkers, classmates, etc.
The importance of Fillers is crucial to social stability. Everyone has their best friend at work, their one roommate they complain to when their other roommates don't do the dishes, or their group of classmates they study with before every test. If there is one thing I've learned in my last 21 years of friendships, especially in college, it's that every friend you come across will not end up being a forever friend. In fact most friends you have in your life will end up being fillers.
Take my filler experience thus far as an example:
When I first came to college I left high school with a lot of broken friendships. I had three close girlfriends but I assumed that after graduation was over and graduation parties I would never talk to most of my classmates again. I was pretty much right, when we go home for breaks etc. I still say hi to the kids that went to my high school but I wouldn't say we've exactly kept in contact. This is common for most people when they transition from one part of life to the other.
So when I came to college I had high high high expectations for my friends. I expected to find my bridesmaids. I expected to find girls who inspired me, strive to make me a better person, and would become my closest people. I had already found my "people" in high school right? now it was time for college.
WELL, I got a big maturity reality check when I realized that I really wasn't finding those close knit, tight friendships that I was wanting in college. Sure I had joined clubs, socialized with girls on the floor of my dorm, and socialized with people in my classes but I really wasn't getting the kind of friendships I was expecting to have. I left freshman year thinking maybe I just needed more time to adjust to college life and to let my beginner friendships grow. After all my "people" that I had found in high school had taken 4+ years to become my "people". So I went into sophomore year with a fresh mindset. Sophomore year I ended up finding some close friends girls I would make plans with, go out to parties with, and even ended up living with. However, I still never felt that sense of closeness like I had with my friends at home. Then going into Junior year I finally had a heart to heart with my friends from home, my original "people".
They helped me come to the conclusion that maybe I wasn't going to find any new people to really connect with that deeply in college. I had my friends sure and as time went on I'm sure we'll become closer but could I 100% say they were going to be in my life forever like my friends from high school? no. I couldn't. This of course broke my heart and I wished that I had put in more time and effort into these friendships, blaming myself, and thinking there was something I could of done to make these friendships I had developed in college deeper than they really were. I spent most of this semester my Junior year trying to do just that connect on a deeper level with my fillers but, I realized that it just wasn't meant to be.
My friends from home reassured me that , what we then developed a word for, Filler Friends were healthy and crucial even to my life. Meaning Not everyone that comes into your life is going to be there forever but that doesn't mean they don't hold a sense of importance. You have your "Forever Friends" people you know will always hold a place in your life, people who have become your family. Then you have your "Filler Friends" people who come in and out of your life depending on your situation. You will share laughs with them, cry's with them, and important memories.They will teach you lessons and have an affect on you no matter what step you are in in life, they just might not follow you to your next step. AND THAT'S OKAY.
This was the hardest lesson I've had to swallow in college thus far. But as I've grown closer to god and my forever friends and relationships that I do have, I've also grown closer to god.
This is my realization, and the importance of Filler Friends:
God puts people in your life for a reason. They may stay for a long time, they may stay for a short time. It's up to you to learn from that person, because once you have, you have figured out the reason god put them in your life. You may not like that reason, you may not want them to leave, but it helps you grow as an individual, and helps guide you through life. God always puts people in your life at the right time and takes them out of your life at the right time too. Trust in him.
