As an older cousin to a handful of preteen girls, I've noticed their growing anxieties about the need to please boys with their style. Recently, one of these cousins cried because her male peer voiced a negative opinion about her shirt. After ten minutes of crying, she decided to change her outfit. For me, such extreme prioritization of a boy's opinion is frightening. I very much value my personal style, and I don't believe that it needs to fall within the typical notions of what is appealing.
Before continuing, it is important for me to explain the concept of the male gaze. The male gaze is any form of visual art such as film, fashion, or studio art) that puts the viewer or audience into the perspective of a straight man; an artwork that falls into the male gaze is one that is designed to please, titillate or interest a straight male audience. Personal experience with girls and other young women has shown me just how intense the pressure to conform to this concept is.
Here are just a few examples of some comments other females have made about my wardrobe:
"If you dressed sexier, you'd get way more guys."
"You're a really beautiful girl, but your clothes are way too cutesy."
"Why don't you own a pair of yoga pants? Boys would much rather look at that than a skirt."
"If your hair was longer and you grew out your bangs you'd look a million times hotter."
Not only are comments like these unhealthy in their prioritization of maintaining a typically "sexy" or "attractive" look, but they make assumptions about a perspective that doesn't apply to all men. Yes, there are guys who enjoy the look of yoga pants, but there are also ones who don't. An old crush of mine used to tell me my skirts were "cool" and complimented me on my endless supply of cardigans and blazers. In the long run, it was better for me to wear what I wanted, because I ended up meeting someone who appreciated my self-expression -- not that meeting someone was my goal, of course!
I've always appreciated the power of dressing up. Shamelessly wearing clothes I love makes me feel more confident, ready to start my day, and more true to myself. People choose to express their identity in a variety of ways, and one of the most personally validating ways I do so is through fashion.
Simply put, I dress up for myself. I am under no obligation to look "sexy," please the eye, or be ogled. There's nothing that makes me cringe like a "10 Trends Guys Hate" article, because frankly, I don't care. I don't appreciate societal pressures to conform to the male gaze, and generalizing what men like or don't like is incredibly stereotypical. Wearing collared shirts, flats, knee highs and a-line skirts makes me feel good about myself, so that's what I plan to keep on doing. I truly hope that my preteen cousins and other young girls know that it is okay to step outside of the desirable norm to cultivate their own look; for me, that's what being stylish truly means.
