I have been with my significant other for about 8 years and we will be tying the knot in less than two weeks. I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships and love and everything that goes with those two things. Lately, dating has been on the brain.

This summer has been one of crazy work schedules, wedding planning and struggling to get enough sleep during the week. Going on dates with my fiance has, frankly, not been a priority lately. We have been social together, but it’s has usually been with other people who are with us. It’s been lately when we talk at night that I realize just how important spending the time just the two of us can be. And I totally underestimated that importance. I mean, we live together and we do quite a few things together that I wouldn’t necessarily consider to be a date (e.g. going for a walk). My thought was that if we were simply spending time together, that’s all that would matter. Dates wouldn’t be as necessary.

But I’m here to tell you now that I was wrong. Dating -- since we have been together for a while and now that we’re getting married very, very soon-- has become more important to our relationship than it has ever been in the past.

I have fallen into the trap that I have been with my fiance for so long that I, essentially, know everything about him. And to a certain degree that’s true -- I do know a lot about him. But people are complicated and they change. I can’t know absolutely everything about him no matter how hard I try.

Dating works as a way to check in with your partner. It’s nice to have a set time to talk and be with each other. The check in can range from a simple, “How was your day?” to “How is this specific part of our lives working for you?” It’s a way to keep on the same page. I think the longer you are with your partner, the more this is necessary. Your relationship can start to come with a lot of different moving parts and important factors. Maybe someday you’ll have kids, maybe you’ll have a high-maintenance pet who needs caring for, maybe you want to make a another big change. These things require at least a few conversations and check-ins.

Dating also functions as a way to have fun. You now have an excuse to try out that new restaurant down the street or get out and see parts of your city that you might not have chosen to see otherwise. Some things that my fiance and I like to do together are go out to eat, bring things home to cook together (that’s a date for us), and see plays. We live in the Twin Cities. Both Minneapolis and St. Paul hold a lot of history. Minneapolis has a vibrant theater scene and it’s where we both grew up. St. Paul, though I have lived in this city longer than he has, is still new to us. There’s always a new place for us to explore. We find that we really like exploring new places together!

Perhaps most important of all, dating sets aside time for you to be a couple. There’s a difference between living as a couple and actually making time for each other. My fiance and I have lived together for almost a year, but I don’t think I can say that a lot of that time is spent being a couple. We have our own interests, which is good and healthy, so we do things by ourselves. But when the apartment becomes part of the equation, we’re focused on the living together aspect rather than the relationship aspect of us being a couple. That’s why dating is important for us, though we’ve been together for so long.

No matter how long you have been with your significant other, always take the time to date each other. Even if you’ve been married for 50 years, it’s still important. Take time for each other and more importantly, make it a ritual.