It's the second week of August and my girlfriend has been away in Ecuador visiting family for about two weeks. As I'm typing this, I'm eagerly waiting for her to finally arrive home today so we can spend a long-overdue night in with a bottle of wine, an order from Seamless and an illegal stream of Brooklyn Nine-Nine. I've spent the past two weeks without my roommate, life partner, and best friend by my side every morning and every night. I have to admit that some things have changed and I'd say they've changed for the better.
I consider myself an introvert in the sense that I'm energized by alone time rather than social time. So adapting to the lifestyle of living with someone and spending almost all of my time with her has been somewhat of a rocky transition. In the past, I've struggled with being honest about needing space and unhealthily dealing with social overload. I've also experienced poorly balancing between solitary and social energy. I've begun to question my mental health status but haven't yet considered it with much seriousness. It hasn't been easy for me to find the time to focus on myself and this personal problem I've been avoiding for so long. It's not great. My girlfriend and I have been together for 10 months now and I had not yet taken seriously how my mental health impacted our relationship until I was left alone with it for two weeks.
When she left, so did the immediate and constant social interaction to which I'd grown so accustomed. I was worried in the days leading up to her departure that I would spend the two weeks without her completely alone for no reason other than a personal lack of motivation. But I quickly discovered how untrue that was. I found myself frequently reaching out to friends, people whose presences I missed dearly and spending quality one-on-one time with faces I hadn't seen in weeks. When those dates ended, I came home to happily recharge in solitude. Not only was I elated to be spending time with cool individuals, but I felt in control of my social energy. I was finally being honest with myself about needing to take breaks.
I also found myself partaking in my hobbies more frequently with my newfound free time. As I'd been feeling sicker and sicker in the weeks and months before my partner's trip, I'd been spending less and less time on the leisurely things which bring me joy like makeup, fashion, hairstyling, reading, video games and poetry. In her absence, I pushed myself into dressing well, making up my face and writing poetry after not having done so in a very long time. I began to feel more like myself as I walked down the streets. I began to feel happier and more energized despite my being around other people. Spending time with myself and the things which make me happy incredibly impacted the way I perceived the things that typically drain me.
Not any of this means that I'd be a significantly happier person if my girlfriend weren't in my life. Rather, the time I spent without her was the reboot I didn't know I needed in order to get back in touch with myself. I've not been instantly "cured" nor are all of my problems eradicated, but I feel better prepared to handle them moving forward. I have a better grip on what stimulates me and what exhausts me. I feel better equipped to deal with my low points. I trust myself to be able to find a healthier balance in my life from now on.
When you're constantly engaging in social situations, it can be easy to lose track of yourself and what motivates you. I unexpectedly learned how to get back in touch with my motivation by spending two weeks alone with my thoughts and actions.
The time we spend by ourselves radically impacts our relationships with others and we should spend as much time exploring our personas and our emotions when we're alone as we do when we're with loved ones. I'm grateful for the two weeks I spent without my partner; distance does make the heart grow fonder.
