Hi everybody. I'm back for this week's edition of "I have opinions on everything" (because what's the point of life if you don't?). Fast food has been on my mind; as a big eater who hates campus food but also hates spending 14$ on Chipotle, it's incredibly tempting to drive 2 miles to the nearest Chick-fil-a.

This all being said, deciding what fast food to pick is kinda a doozy. While McDonald's fries may sound like a BET at 2 am, I also don't always crave chicken paste in the form of vaguely shaped nuggies (I will be referring to nuggets as nuggies for the rest of this scholarly essay).

For those who know me, one of my favorite ice breaker questions is: "What is your ideal fast food meal?"-- a question requiring you to analyze each selection at your local fast food chains and choose your favorite from each. While I regularly ask this, and thus regularly judge everyone's answers, I haven't officially made my own ideal meal. Until now. I present to you, the ultimate fast food feast. And as you read this, you may be like, Alice why is this so detailed and specific? And to that I say -- read the title, baby. My Ideal Fast Food Feast, in a world where I can eat 4,000+ calories in one sitting.

French Fries:​​ ​​ ARBY’S.

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A hot take, oFF THE BAT! I love McDonald's so much, and they technically always win by taking my money, but if I really was conducting a mukbang then I'd drive my butt straight to Arby's. The curly fries are seriously unreal and so crispy and wondrous. In a fantasy world, Arby's fries would be on my plate. But like, try asking a group of girls to go to Arby's when McDonald's is right. there.

Fruit: Chick-fil-a

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Okay, guys, this is a FEAST and while fruit isn't a fast food iconic item, we're feasting. Not that I ever, EVER order fruit in a drive-thru, but I do trust Chick-fil-a. The fruit cups do actually always taste legit, so, thanks I guess.

General beverages: McDonald’s

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You may be ready to close out of this article, because in what world do we need to compare soda fountains? In my world. McDonald's Diet Coke is legit spicy. Ask any enthusiast. My mother seriously made me into a Diet Coke fiend because she'd always stop there for a large one. It is so carbonated and delightful. Moving on.

Breakfast sandwich: Chick-fil-a

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Okay, boys, we've gotten through the appetizers, and now we are READY for breakie. Chick-fil-a really takes the cake. Their biscuit or English muffin, mixed with their yummy lil' nuggies or egg on top just TAKES ME THERE. I don't feel the need to explain this one.

Honorary mention to Starbucks, which some may see as not really a fast food place -- I get that, for sure. But idk man, their warmed up breakie sandwiches make me and my roommate both a little too happy.

Hash Browns: McDonald’s

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I won't take any debate on this, I do not want to hear any Hardee's enthusiasts, I just want to say that McDonald's reigns over hashbrowns.

Donuts: Dunkin Donuts

@dunkindonuts

While I'm thinking about breakfast, let's all be clear: if i wanted to eat warm mooshy sugar, I would take a splenda packet, mix it with hot water and call it a day. It isn't that I don't ever eat Krispy Kreme, but Dunkin's donuts are just more, like, easy to get down. A bit more savory, dareIsay? Krispy just tastes like calories. Not ideal. ALSO SHOUTOUT TO THEIR ICED COFFEE because THAT makes me see algorithms. I've done my best work on french iced coffee from there.

Burgers: Wendy’s

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They deserve a shoutout after blessing us with the 4for4. I don't love burgers, and when I have them, it's gonna be from a legit grill, but the rare times I go fast food or try a bite of my friend's -- Wendy's is legit. It actually tastes like meat, which is cool. Thanks, guys.

Chicken Sandwich: Chick-fil-a + Zaxby’s

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Another hot take is that I don't think Zaxby's is amazing. Fries and everything are meh -- but hey! The chicken is pretty neat. Chick-fil-a is a clear choice, no need to justify there. Zaxby's also has high-quality chicken and the flavoring is kinda legit. I realistically seek out CFA, but Zaxby's isn't one bit bad.

Chicken Nuggies: WENDY’S.

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BIIIIIIIIG HOT TAKE. I don't really seek out CFA nuggies. I think they're high quality, but what can I say? ~all good boys go to heaven, but bad boys bring heaven to you~ That lyric really just means that, yes, there are good options for me, but I'm gonna pick the dumb option. Eh quality nuggies. While McDonald's is my guilty pleasure, Wendy's does have enjoyable nuggies. Seasoned well, always a little crisp yet a little mooshy. Sorry haters.

Honorary mention for Burger King. The chicken fries are always confusing to me but I do always enjoy.

Milkshakes: Burger King

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Rich, smooth, substantial. CFA can move out of the way, because Burger King actually SERVES those shakes. But no, BKing, I do not want your fries with that shake.

I'm honestly out of breath after writing this.