The Ideal Fast Food Feast

The Ideal Fast Food Feast

Anyone else wondering why burger nuggets don't exist?


Hi everybody. I'm back for this week's edition of "I have opinions on everything" (because what's the point of life if you don't?). Fast food has been on my mind; as a big eater who hates campus food but also hates spending 14$ on Chipotle, it's incredibly tempting to drive 2 miles to the nearest Chick-fil-a.

This all being said, deciding what fast food to pick is kinda a doozy. While McDonald's fries may sound like a BET at 2 am, I also don't always crave chicken paste in the form of vaguely shaped nuggies (I will be referring to nuggets as nuggies for the rest of this scholarly essay).

For those who know me, one of my favorite ice breaker questions is: "What is your ideal fast food meal?"-- a question requiring you to analyze each selection at your local fast food chains and choose your favorite from each. While I regularly ask this, and thus regularly judge everyone's answers, I haven't officially made my own ideal meal. Until now. I present to you, the ultimate fast food feast. And as you read this, you may be like, Alice why is this so detailed and specific? And to that I say -- read the title, baby. My Ideal Fast Food Feast, in a world where I can eat 4,000+ calories in one sitting.

French Fries:​​ ​​ ARBY’S.


A hot take, oFF THE BAT! I love McDonald's so much, and they technically always win by taking my money, but if I really was conducting a mukbang then I'd drive my butt straight to Arby's. The curly fries are seriously unreal and so crispy and wondrous. In a fantasy world, Arby's fries would be on my plate. But like, try asking a group of girls to go to Arby's when McDonald's is right. there.

Fruit: Chick-fil-a


Okay, guys, this is a FEAST and while fruit isn't a fast food iconic item, we're feasting. Not that I ever, EVER order fruit in a drive-thru, but I do trust Chick-fil-a. The fruit cups do actually always taste legit, so, thanks I guess.

General beverages: McDonald’s

You may be ready to close out of this article, because in what world do we need to compare soda fountains? In my world. McDonald's Diet Coke is legit spicy. Ask any enthusiast. My mother seriously made me into a Diet Coke fiend because she'd always stop there for a large one. It is so carbonated and delightful. Moving on.

Breakfast sandwich: Chick-fil-a


Okay, boys, we've gotten through the appetizers, and now we are READY for breakie. Chick-fil-a really takes the cake. Their biscuit or English muffin, mixed with their yummy lil' nuggies or egg on top just TAKES ME THERE. I don't feel the need to explain this one.

Honorary mention to Starbucks, which some may see as not really a fast food place -- I get that, for sure. But idk man, their warmed up breakie sandwiches make me and my roommate both a little too happy.

Hash Browns: McDonald’s


I won't take any debate on this, I do not want to hear any Hardee's enthusiasts, I just want to say that McDonald's reigns over hashbrowns.

Donuts: Dunkin Donuts


While I'm thinking about breakfast, let's all be clear: if i wanted to eat warm mooshy sugar, I would take a splenda packet, mix it with hot water and call it a day. It isn't that I don't ever eat Krispy Kreme, but Dunkin's donuts are just more, like, easy to get down. A bit more savory, dareIsay? Krispy just tastes like calories. Not ideal. ALSO SHOUTOUT TO THEIR ICED COFFEE because THAT makes me see algorithms. I've done my best work on french iced coffee from there.

Burgers: Wendy’s


They deserve a shoutout after blessing us with the 4for4. I don't love burgers, and when I have them, it's gonna be from a legit grill, but the rare times I go fast food or try a bite of my friend's -- Wendy's is legit. It actually tastes like meat, which is cool. Thanks, guys.

Chicken Sandwich: Chick-fil-a + Zaxby’s


Another hot take is that I don't think Zaxby's is amazing. Fries and everything are meh -- but hey! The chicken is pretty neat. Chick-fil-a is a clear choice, no need to justify there. Zaxby's also has high-quality chicken and the flavoring is kinda legit. I realistically seek out CFA, but Zaxby's isn't one bit bad.

Chicken Nuggies: WENDY’S.


BIIIIIIIIG HOT TAKE. I don't really seek out CFA nuggies. I think they're high quality, but what can I say? ~all good boys go to heaven, but bad boys bring heaven to you~ That lyric really just means that, yes, there are good options for me, but I'm gonna pick the dumb option. Eh quality nuggies. While McDonald's is my guilty pleasure, Wendy's does have enjoyable nuggies. Seasoned well, always a little crisp yet a little mooshy. Sorry haters.

Honorary mention for Burger King. The chicken fries are always confusing to me but I do always enjoy.

Milkshakes: Burger King


Rich, smooth, substantial. CFA can move out of the way, because Burger King actually SERVES those shakes. But no, BKing, I do not want your fries with that shake.

I'm honestly out of breath after writing this.

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How To Play 'New Girl's' True American Drinking Game

"It's 75% drinking, 20% Candy Land, and the floor is molten lava."

I think it's fair to say that anyone who watches "New Girl" knows about True American. This crazy, nonsense drinking game which pops up every so often throughout the seasons and first introduced in season one, episode 20.

The game, as described by "New Girl" character and fan-favorite Schmidt, is 75% drinking game and 20% Candy Land with a floor of molten lava.

The point of the game is for players to navigate through the Candy Land-like spaces to the "castle," which is a table in the center of the room that holds beer "pawns" and the "king" bottle. The first person to reach and sip from the bottle wins.

SEE ALSO: 15 Things "New Girl" Fans Know to Be True

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Here's how to play:

Step #1: Prepare the "castle"

First, set up your "castle." The castle is made up of beer "pawns" and the "king," a bottle filled with the alcohol of your choice.

The bottle should be in the middle of the table, surrounded by four lines of beer pawns. There is no exact number of beers necessary for each line of beer pawns. Choose any amount of beers that seems appropriate for the amount of players.

Step #2: Set up spaces

Set up spaces using pillows, chairs or any other objects players will be able to stand on. Place an equal amount of spaces around the table. You'll want about 5-8 spaces on each side, depending on the size of the room you're playing in.

Only four of these spaces should reach the castle, lining up with the parade of beer "pawns" and allowing players to take a beer pawn from the castle. For example, in the photo above, each of the chairs touch a corner of the table at the end of the line of beer pawns. Therefore, these are two of the four special spaces that allow players to take a beer. Unlike the pillows pictured, which are just regular spaces that the players can use to move around.

Step #3: Pick teams

Teams are optional. To pick teams, all of the players will place a certain number (1 to 5) of fingers against their forehead on the count of three.

Any players who hold up the same number are a team. Unmatched players can team up as needed or simply pair up with the person standing closest to them.

Step #4: Begin

Begin with a shotgun "tip-off" to determine which player goes first.

The winner of this shotgunning contest will yell, "One, two, three...JFK!" to announce the official beginning of the game. All players will enthusiastically respond, "FDR!" then quickly grab a beer pawn from the castle and run to any space they wish to start at, excluding for the four special spaces that reach the castle.

Step #5: Make moves

The winner of the shotgunning contest has earned the first turn. From then on, the order of turns will move in a clockwise rotation. During each turn, the player will move one space toward the castle and choose to play one of the following mini-games.

Mini-game No. 1: The player whose turn it is will count to three then all players will place a certain number (1-5) of fingers on their forehead. Any player who selects a number no one else selected can move ONE space.

Mini-game No. 2: The player whose turn it is will recite the beginning of a famous American quote. The first player to complete the quote can move TWO spaces.

Mini-game No. 3: The player whose turn it is will name two famous American people, places, or things. The first player to identify what the two have in common can move THREE spaces.

For example, say it's your turn. You will move one space then choose one of the three mini-games. You and all of the players will participate in that game, and the winner will move accordingly. After this, your turn is over and it's the next player's turn (in the original clockwise rotation).

Step #6: "Play on, playa."

Continue playing by these rules until one lucky winner reaches the bottle and sips from its royal glass.

The bottle cannot be opened until every last pawn is removed from the castle. Any players who fail to keep at least one beer in hand, who accidentally end up with more than three beers in hand, or who touch the lava are immediately disqualified. Disqualified players can rejoin the game by shotgunning a beer.


You are now able to impress all of your "New Girl"-loving friends with knowledge of the workings of the epic True American drinking game. Know your limits, drink responsibly, and enjoy!

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Excellent Advice From Unexpected Places

Who thought aliens from a silly space app could give good advice. Welcome to Walkr.


GI recently got a pedometer app (a step tracker) called Walkr: Fitness Space Adventure. Along with tracking your steps, it unlocks planets that have little alien inhabitants. These creatures send you messages occasionally, some silly, some helpful, and everything in between. I thought I would share with you my favorites thus far. Here are my top 15 inspirational messages from aliens:

1. When you are doubting yourself...

Maddy McKeever

Zombies love you for who you are, no matter what.

2. Take care of those you love...

Maddy McKeever

No one deserves to be sad. Especially the moon who is the light of your night.

3. I love eating...

Maddy McKeever

Envy is a deadly sin, but ice cream is not. Snowmen know sometimes you need a snack.

4. There are no shortcuts in life...

Maddy McKeever

Shortcuts in life leave you shorthanded and unprepared. Be the diamond in the rough, or the pearl.

5. Eat your vegetables...

Maddy McKeever

Take care of your body and it will take care of you. And avoid space pirates.

6. Take time to take care of yourself...

Maddy McKeever

Little things for self care can make a big difference. Musical Andrew reminds you to eat and drink lots of water.

7. Walk a mile in someone else's shoes...

Maddy McKeever

Walking help you clear your head, and gives you a reason to get out of the house if you don't have a dog that wants to go to the park.

8. Where words fail, music speaks...

Maddy McKeever

Bon Jovi probably liked space. Express yourself with music, or tune out the world to take care of yourself.

9. Don't trust strangers...

Maddy McKeever

Don't take food from strangers unless it's Halloween. And don't follow them into the woods, even if they are trees.

10. School is a necessary evil...

Maddy McKeever

School may seem like torture now, but you'll be grateful you did it when you are older, even if you want to set your work on fire right now.

11. Never stop believing...

Maddy McKeever

Keep hope and imagination in your heart and you will feel young forever.

12. Sometimes it's about the journey, not the destination...

Maddy McKeever

It's not always about progress, but about the process, even if the idea of success tastes sweet.

13. Success is relative to each of us...

Maddy McKeever

Your idea of being courageous may not be the same as someone else's, but that doesn't make their any less valid a success.

14. Don't let others hold you back...

Maddy McKeever

We all want to escape to a different continent, or even a different planet sometimes. Take a moment and breathe. You've got this.

15. Don't judge a book by it's cover...

Maddy McKeever

Some people that look odd on the outside may be diamonds in the rough. But don't forget also that some people who look harmless can secretly bite.

Some of this advice may seem silly, but rooted deep in it can be found inspirational advice. You may not see it now, but when you need to hear it, that advice becomes very clear. Who knew that a ball of ghost fire or a sugar cube could give such good advice? I hope at least one of these little aliens gave you some useful inspiration today.

For other enjoyable apps to stay healthy, including Walkr, see this article.

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