I remember the day like it was yesterday. My parents told my siblings and I that my uncle would be taking us to the park for the day while they went to an appointment. I couldn't tell you what I was thinking the appointment would be at that time, but I never knew, it was serious enough to change our entire lives. I excitedly agreed to go with my uncle for the day, looking forward to the endless possibilities for a day of fun spent at the park with my siblings and uncle.
After a day well spent, swimming and soaking up the warm summer sun, we made our way home for the evening. At that time, I couldn't have imagined the bomb that was about to be dropped on my family; I couldn't imagine the hardship we would all face for the next two years.
My parents came home not too long after us and sat us all down in the living room. I could tell my dad had been crying and the tears rolling down my mom's face seemed to be never ending. They broke the news to us as honestly as they could, telling us about her breast cancer diagnosis and the treatment she would be facing in the months to come. And in that moment, watching everyone else break down around me, I knew I had to be strong, that I had to be the one to hold it together. And throughout the journey, I did my best to, but there are times where I wish I had known what to expect from the beginning. These are just some of the lessons that cancer has taught me that I wish I had known:
1. All the fights you've ever had with your mom will no longer seem important.
All the big ones, all the little ones, all the ones about your shorts being too short or you wearing too much make-up in eighth grade, they do not matter anymore and they will never happen again because you can not imagine losing your mom to cancer after storming out because of a minor fight.
2. You need to realize that you are not alone.
All the people you've ever known, the kids who never spoke a single word to you before your mom was diagnosed, or all the parents you had never seen around the neighborhood before the news spread, they will all do things for you. They will pick you up and take you to your soccer practices, send an extra lunch to school with their child just in case your mom was feeling too sick to make one, and they'll send endless amounts of food to your house everyday...which leads me to my next point...
3. Not everyone is as good of a cook as your mom is.
Everyone around you will have the same idea, send food and send it now! And you will be overwhelmed with the number of meals, desserts and everything in between that people will send over to your house. Some will be great...and some not so great...but they will all be very much appreciated. Believe it or not, the old tale that food will mend a hurting heart is one of the truest ones out there.
4. Independence and freedom come with much more responsibility.
Your parents won't be around as much due to all the appointments and pure exhaustion that come from fighting cancer aggressively, and it will be hard at first to fend for yourself. But the best way to learn is by making mistakes and believe me, you will learn. You will quickly gain skills in cooking, cleaning, organizing, and all other tasks that you never realized were taken care of by your parents. But in the end, it's comforting to know that you're able to grow up so quickly in important situations.
5. Your mom looks just as beautiful bald as she does with hair.
The first night that my mother came downstairs with her head shaved was one to remember. I will never forget looking at her with pure sadness, but looking at her in a whole new light. She is a beautiful woman with hair, her face radiating joy and happiness everywhere she goes. But, without hair blocking out parts of her face, the beauty was blinding. And as much as you believe it, make sure you remind her every single day of this fact, because the loss of hair is one of the most emotionally trying parts of dealing with cancer treatment.
6. Your sick parent is still the same person.
You may think things will be different because chemo will wear her out, or the cancer will get to her head, but she'll still be there to laugh with you, to listen to you, to hold you when you want to cry, and to smile with you when you have good news to share. The relationship that the two of you share will only grow stronger as time goes on. Finding positive things that stem from a cancer diagnosis, like the development of a strong relationship, will be the one thing to get you through.
7. Your family is and always will be your lifeline.
Through the cancer and beyond, no one will understand the struggle that you have gone through like the family who was right there by your side through everything. Never hesitate to lean on them for love and support. In addition, expect them to need to lean on you sometimes too. Although friends and other community members will always be there to hold you up, no one will be able to comfort you the way a family member going through the same thing can.
And so, those are the most important lessons that stem from cancer. It teaches you a lot about who you are, some things good, while other are bad...but in the end, it can only make the bond you share with your family stronger.
Never forget the support that you have in one of the most trying times in your life. All the people from the community that were there to support your family, all the extended family members that made extended stays at your house to take care of things for awhile. So here's to all the people who were there for me. To the friends, the family members, the community members, and the very very close family friends-THANK YOU! Thank you for helping me in such a trying time and for teaching me the lessons above. You are all truly a blessing.
