So essentially it is said that we have 5 essential "love languages." This is how we know to display love and how we want to be shown love from our partners. SO, what exactly are they?
1) Words of Affirmation
Which is basically being told that you are cared for, reminders, etc, "I love you, I'm here for you, you're amazing" etc. etc.
2) Gifts
These don't have to be huge, elaborate things. Gift giving is an amazing gesture to show someone you've been thinking about them and care. From an expensive gift to leaving a note on a car, or just not being able to buy something for yourself due to always wanting to buy things for others.
3) Acts of Service
This is doing something for the one you care for. Maybe it's something small like telling your partner you can and will do things for them or doing something without being asked.
4) Quality Time
This is face to face, undivided attention. Being with the one you care about in person rather than over a phone, etc.
5) Physical Touch
This is any type of touching with your partner. From hand holding, hugging, kissing, cuddling, etc.
The issue within relationships is the fact that we don't always speak the same love language. Some of us need more of one factor than the other. I'm not saying you can't need/want more than one, you can be bilingual as they say lol. But, what I am saying is that everyone is different, and when we fail to realize one language is more important than another to our partner this is when our relationships begin to build tension, irritation, and confusion.
This may seem simplistic, but let's go with an example for some insight.
So, let's say you love when your partner does the little things. Like cleaning out your car randomly, asking what they can help you with, etc. BUT, they never seem to do this. Instead, they leave you little notes around your car/room or send you texts about how much they care for you. While, you're thinking, "this is sweet, thanks." They may be thinking, I am always showing so much love all the time! But when they do something for you, you think it is showing their love CLEARLY or MORE. This is an example of you enjoying your display of love through ACTS OF SERVICE, while your partner displays love through WORDS OF AFFIRMATION. It's still nice, but at times you may find yourself wondering why they aren't doing something else rather than what he/she already is.
Or, how about if you want to be given gifts on special occasions and not so special occasions. To you the little things count, and when they give you something it makes you feel like they're really thinking of you in their free time. But sometimes they may forget special days, and that makes you feel like he or she could care less about you. However, maybe they are always holding your hand, hugging you, and putting a hand on your leg while driving. You think they are just touchy, but in reality, this is how they know how to display love. They may not understand why you become so angry because they are bad with certain dates or gift giving. This is tension between RECEIVING/ GIVING GIFTS and PHYSICAL TOUCH languages.
Each approach is OK and it's OK to speak a different love language, but what is ok isn't what keeps love building and lasting. You may be trying to express love in the forms you know, but it could be the opposite of your partners'. So when you're wondering why they aren't giving you love, think about them. Are they showing you love, but in a different way?
It is beyond important to figure out your partner and know their love language. Because in the end everyone comes from different lives and experiences. So, maybe as a child one individual is shown love through gifts or quality time, but another is shown love through words of affirmation from their parents or caregivers. Everyone has developed their sense and display of love through what they have been conditioned to. The key is getting to know your partner's love language.
