We all know this type of love.
This is the love that hits us like a freight train when we are hungover. The type of love that burns inside us and makes us do crazy things that we never thought we would do. This is the love where we lose who we are. It's the one where our hearts break and we don't know if we will ever recover, but we can and we do. Without this love I never would have learned what I want out of love, I thought I knew... but I was wrong.
To the second love of my life,
I never could have imagined that my life would end up where it is. When I went to college I had a plan and you did not exist at this time. Coming home to see friends, drinking, college, and my summer job was what I was focused on. I had goals and dreams, but then one day out of the blue you came in without warning like a tornado about to destroy everything and I was not prepared.
When we met...
I knew you would be trouble, but I did not care. Something in me knew I had to give this a shot even though I knew in my gut you were going to break my heart. I wanted to be with you more than anything. You were funny, adventurous, strong-willed, handsome, caring, and most of all you made me feel like I was the only girl in the world that matter. You knew exactly what to do and what to say to keep me from leaving.
It wasn't easy.
Our relationship was never easy. We fought a lot and didn't agree on much. But neither one of us cared because we wanted to make it work. I gave up going to grad school so you could work on your dreams and decided to focus on our relationship. Moved in with you and worked. I gave up being a waitress for our relationship to get a "nine to five" job and did everything I could to make you happy. For the most part you were, but you were always holding back, which led to more fighting.
I lost myself.
I gave everything I had into this relationship. I did not become a teacher, instead, I worked in an office, sitting at a desk all day doing something I never dreamed of doing. I did this to build a career while you followed your dreams. Every day I listened to you tell me about how YOU wanted to move south. I slowly started to notice your plans never included me or IF they did you didn't seem like you wanted me there. The more time that went on, the more I saw how much I was losing. I wasn't the same happy, crazy, fun-loving person anymore. I was always stressed and never felt good enough. I had to beg for your affection that you were so willing to give to everyone else.
After 8 long years of back and forth with you, it finally came to the end.
It has been messy and emotional. Things have been said and done that neither one of us dreamed of. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. I also believe that you helped me learn the best lesson I possibly could have learned in my life. I was willing to give up everything for you — my dreams of being a teacher, a mother, a wife, a partner.
Then I realized I don't have to give up those dreams. I will find someone who will want me to follow my dreams, while he follows his. It does not have to be one-sided. I will find someone who wants to be there for me, who wants to show me every day that I am a priority. You were right when you told me I was strong enough not to be told every day how important I am, but it doesn't mean we don't do it. I am important, my dreams matter, and I don't need to give up on those.
So to my second love,
You were my hard love. You were the love that taught me a lesson. You taught me I deserve more. I deserve more than anything you ever gave me. I don't regret loving you. We had a fire and a passion that can't be described. so for that. Thank you. Thank you for teaching me and showing me. Thank you for the memories, because it wasn't all bad. If it was I wouldn't have stayed for eight years to make it work. Thank you for giving me the strength to know what I want and fight for it. Thank you for helping me become even stronger and more independent than when I met you.
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