As I was scanning food for one of our regular costumers at the local grocery store that I used to work for, my advanced super powers detected an evil force. By the way, I am an alien. My human name, for this occasion, is Ana Maria.
As I was saying, my intuition was warning me of a negative energy moving very fast towards my location.
"What can I do?" I wondered.
I smiled to the customer. The bad vibe was coming from this short and apparently weak old lady.
"Bleach your hands." She demanded.
"Beg you pardon, ma'am?" I heard her very loud and clear, but I was just making sure that she was talking nonsense. Maybe she was a lunatic, you know? Nothing against humans with mental illnesses. I have another story regarding mental illness, but I will tell you in another occasion.
"Bleach your hands. I don't want you to touch my blueberries with your Mexican hands," she commanded me again.
Yes, this old hag did say "Mexican." She was a caucasian old racist lady. This made me wonder if racism was still present nowadays. I am still ignorant in terms of the American society. I always experience cultural shock. Back when I was in Mexico, I was researching about classism, not racism. This was, officially, the first racist comment that a human has said to me, since I began studying humans from the United States.
"Sorry, ma'am. I won't be able to do that. Unfortunately, I suffer from a chronic skin condition," I answered with a smile because she offended me. I wanted to make her feel uncomfortable. Game on!
"I do not care. I don't want you to touch my blueberries," she raised her voice.
"If I do that, my skin will ooze. If you want my freshest secretions in your berries, please, be my guest," I suggested with a big and friendly smile.
She said nothing. She grabbed her stupid blueberries and went to the other register. The alien won this time. She complained to my managers, but I wasn't in trouble. They simply said that I was way too specific with my dermatitis, but I didn't care.
"She was being way too specific with her hatred against my race." I answered.
"Fair enough." They said.
Tip No.1: If a racist old lady says to wash yourself, say something about your actual, or fake rash. Always be polite. Believe me, they hate that.
For your information: I do, in fact, have dermatitis.
To be continued...
