Every friend group has a certain dynamic, which you fall into whether you realize it or not. Recently my perception of who I was within my own friend group changed when I realized that I was turning into a group mom. Except our group already has a group mom, so I present to you my new official title: group grandma. So, what is the group grandma and how do you know if it’s you? Well, let me tell you.
1. You’re always offering everyone food.
No matter where you guys are or what you guys are doing, you have to make sure everyone is fed. You do a mental check when you’re at the location and then again at the grocery store/gas station to make sure that nobody is going to wind up hungry. You aren’t as vocal about it as real grandmothers tend to be, but you’ll just silently pull out a bag of chips and dip knowing that the children will flock to it. Your car even has spare snacks and drinks, some of which you personally don’t even like, just to be safe.
2. You ask a thousand questions.
You want to make sure that everyone understands everything and that there’s no confusion as to what is happening, when it’s happening, and where it’s going on. The last thing you want is for your precious grandchildren to become confused and hurt themselves. Sometimes you feel like you’re burdening everyone with your questions, but you learn to power through. If you don’t ask, odds are nobody will until the last minute and nobody likes last-minute planning.
3. “We can go to my house” is an offer you make frequently.
What grandmother doesn’t love a visit from her grandchildren? You know you’ll see them one way or another, but why not offer up your house? You can spoil them endlessly and you can force endless amounts of food down their throats. You try to shove as much fun down their throats as you can while they’re there as well, because then they’ll want to come back.
4. You have to document everything.
My Snapchat story is never empty. It’s a problem. I over-document everything, and I learned it from my own grandma. My grandma used to have practically 100 photo albums that she’d always show everyone who came over. Snapchat became my way of showing off my grandkids, but for 24 hours only. I even annoy myself with it sometimes, but at the same time, it’s a reflex that I can’t shake off.
5. You never know what they’re talking about.
They talk about football, politics, fishing, hunting, cars, guns, and a bunch of stuff that I don’t understand. It’s like when my mom and I talk about Facebook or something in front of my grandparents. They have no idea what we’re talking about but they’re happy to hear your voice. You just nod along and smile, all while mentally singing songs to yourself or thinking about a TV show you watched the other day.
6. You’re protective, but not strict.
You want the kids to be safe and not get arrested, killed, or any of that jazz. However, you want them to be able to have fun, too. You don’t stop them from having fun––you just make sure that they’re safe while they do it. You cover the bases and make sure if anyone is going to do anything potentially stupid that they manage to live through it. The group mom will find herself trying to stop them from doing risky things, but the group grandma will encourage it. You’re always getting the kids out of trouble, but you’re happy to do so.
Group grandmas, much like real grandmas, are the best thing to have. They keep you safe, fed, and entertained. So ask yourself who your group’s grandma is, and cherish her. If you don’t know who it is, odds are it’s you. So congratulations, and welcome to the club.
