I never realized how difficult grocery shopping is until I had to start doing it for myself.

A grocery store in a different city is like a maze. At home, I know where everything is. The oranges are front and center, and the almond milk is on the back wall.

Shopping in a new grocery store is foreign territory.

And it is stressful. And expensive.

This year, I have the luxury of living in a place on campus that allows me to have my own kitchen. It is tiny, and we have about 1 foot total of counter space, but I absolutely love it.

I love being able to cook for myself, and having a full fridge to store all the vegetables I could ever want. Having the power to decide what I want to make for dinner vs. what the dining hall is serving makes me feel like the king of the world.

That may be an exaggeration, but it does make me feel pretty powerful.

This summer, I did “practice” cooking for myself. I made sure I could do all the basics, got a little creative with recipes, and pinned a million recipes on Pinterest (some more ambitious than others).

I did the grocery shopping for my family often, and I had the grocery shopping down to a science. Produce, bulk section, cold cases, pantry aisles. I was a shopping pro—

Or so I thought.

Last weekend was my first shopping trip all by myself. It was overwhelming to say the least. The things I had at home (spices, vinegars, oils) I don’t have here. I was starting from nothing.

I did not plan those things accordingly into my budget. I left the grocery store frustrated, confused, and 70 dollars poorer a full 30 minutes later.

I spent way more money than I wanted to, and still realized I forgot things the moment I got into my car.

Then the self doubt came.

Did I buy enough bananas? (I didn’t). Am I going to run out? (I did). Did I really need that extra orange? Did I just waste 75 cents?

I had been beat. The grocery store had temporarily defeated me. But I would figure out how to beat this place. The grocery store would no longer have a hold over me.

I came home and unloaded my groceries, and tried to assure myself I didn’t mess up too badly.

A week removed from this world-shaking experience, I feel a little bit better.

I discovered an amazing Asian market off 76th with cheaper produce and rice (a staple) at a bargain price. I realized that food does cost money (surprise) and that’s okay. Food is fuel, and shouldn’t be skimped on. A few extra dollars would be worth it in the long run.

This weekend I will attempt another shopping trip. This time, I will have a list, I will know where everything is located, and I will buy enough bananas to last me the week.

This time I am ready, the grocery store will not beat me.