“So, do you have any questions?”
Do I have any questions? Of course, I do. How does someone at the age of 17 get cancer? Why me?
Up until this moment, I had always been the particularly “half empty” type of person. I always dreaded school and considered myself more of an introvert. Although I possessed some qualities of an extrovert, I never took risks or went out on a limb to meet new people. I never would go anywhere by myself in fear of being judged by people for doing things by myself. I found the negative in everything. I was very insecure of myself and never found confidence in anything I did.
Before my diagnosis, I lived a life full of questions but no answers. Tests were done and never any clear results were shown. I was poked at and looked at by doctors all across the state. I had needles shoved into my neck and blood drawn every few weeks to figure out how someone like me could have thyroid issues.
As time went on, nothing seemed to change except for one thing: myself.
I progressively declined on the happiness scale. I found no hope in myself when even professionals could not find any solutions themselves. I tried to blame my genes, but after finding out thyroid problems do not run in my family on either side, I had nobody else to blame except for myself. I constantly felt bad for the people around me for causing them so much sadness and confusion with trying to make them understand. Some people even thought I was making up everything.
My doctor finally had suggested surgery because he knew how tired not only I was, but my parents were, of coming to so many dead ends.
After a successful surgery, I was called into my doctor’s office for the results.
I will never forget June 6, 2013, for as long as I live, and even when the doctor asked me if I had any questions, I told him no, but I lied.
I did have one question for myself.
Why did I let this bump in the road define who I was as a person? Life is not meant to be easy. It is messy and confusing, and we are not always going to know exactly what to do with it, but that is the beauty of it. You are going to come across these moments when you think have no solutions, but oh are you wrong.
I never knew life was not meant to be easy. I just figured if something was not easy, I should just give up since that was the way my life had always been lived. I lived half empty.
But now, I live half full.
After hearing that without that surgery my life could have went down a completely different path, I became inspired. I truly believe that was God’s way of telling me the way I lived my life needed to be changed. I knew from that day onward I was going to live half full. I was thrown a curve ball, and if you would have asked me to swing at it before my diagnosis, I would have taken the strike. Stephen Chbosky once said, “So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there.” I didn’t get to choose what had happened to me, but I did get to choose how my life was going to go from there.
Some may call me crazy, but I am glad I had what had happened to me. I don’t regret a second of it. Without that, I would have still been that negative person the new me would not even recognize. I transformed into an extrovert with the mindset I was now living a more positive life. I was more appreciative of the people in my life and soaked in every amazing memory I made. I now know life should be lived like there really is no tomorrow because unfortunately for some, tomorrow doesn’t come. I now live with full appreciation of tomorrow but even more appreciation of today. We are only promised one life, so why not live it the best we can?
I have found life in a whole new light. Some have asked me, “How did you do it?”
The answer?
You just have to live life half full.
