“Stop crying, it happens to lots of people.”
“You should have enjoyed it.”
“Stop complaining, and get over it.”
Those words rung through my ears. Never had I thought I would be the, one out of every five females, who survive sexual assault—part of the 81 percent that develops PTSD. I am in the majority who knew their attacker. He was a friend, who I had confided in, and had grown to trust. I am part of the 68 percent who decided not to press charges. Those who do press charges, only have a two percent record of leading to conviction. A sickening, and staggering 98 percent will walk free.
Sexual assault has been recently highlighted in the news. Kesha’s lawsuit against Sony, and Bill Cosby’s list of rape allegations have brought sex crimes to the lime light. These examples gained much momentum in media. In both cases, the courts favored against the survivors. However, this merely touches the issue of rape culture in society. Why is that so many do not report their assault or press charges? Why do some wait so long?
The statistics are enough to make a survivor wary of pressing charges. Survivors must also relive the details. We can’t use the nightmares and the countless sleepless nights as evidence. Nor the panic attacks, and soul gripping effects of PTSD. Or the hatred of looking in a mirror: Kesha. Joan Tarshis. Janice Dickinson. Tamara Green. Beth Ferrier. Andrea Constand. This is a short list of the many women who had the courage to take a stand, and against big names -- Dr. Luke and Bill Cosby. But they were shot down by the justice system we are supposed to trust in.
Here are a few things to keep in mind when talking about sexual assault.
Not all sexual assault is rape.
Any form of non-consensual sexual contact is sexual assault. Consent is not automatically given because two people are in a relationship. Consent cannot be given if a person is under the influence of alcohol or any other drug, or blacked out. Kissing and "leading on" behavior is not consent. Staying silent or not fighting back is not consent.
Men and women can be sexually assaulted.
Men should not be excluded from the conversation. Although they represent a minority of survivors, they still can suffer from these atrocities and endure the aftermath.
Survivor -- not a victim.
Survivor is a positive identification. It affirms that they went through something tragic, but are persevering. The road to recovery is a process, small steps day to day.
Be supportive.
Whether or not a survivor decides to press charges, respect and support their decision. Their experience will forever have an impact on their life. Whatever actions they can handle is to their discretion. Kesha was brave and told her story to the world, despite having the odds against her.
The support we give is a start to reversing the odds. We shouldn't live in a society where it is courageous to report a crime. We shouldn't live in a society where talking about sexual assault is taboo. Support the fight against rape and sexual assault culture. Just because it "happens to lots of people," does not make it okay. It is not something "to enjoy." It is not something you can wake up the next day and "get over."
I never thought I would be a survivor. A survivor could be anyone- your friend, your sister, your mother, your daughter, or even yourself. Standing with Kesha, isn’t just about one person, one attack, or one court case. It is for all of us.
I stand with Kesha. Do you?
