You had it all. You had him. He had you. You guys had each other. Everything was perfect: your smile was bigger, your soul was happier, and the stars shined brighter. Your head was high and your heart was full of love. You spent every second of the day thinking about him. You couldn’t wait until the next time you got to see him, whether it was a few minutes or a few days away. You guys got lunch together, danced together, even slept next to each other. You shared friends and drinks and laughs. You’d stay up just talking. You’ve watched countless movies with him. You even wore his clothes, maybe more than your own. You woke up to a text from him, whether it was a paragraph or just a picture. You always wanted him around. You wanted to experience the world, and you wanted him right there next to you.
But then something happened—it ended.
Maybe you saw it coming—you saw him slowly fade away. Or maybe it hit you like a train, flying at you out of nowhere without any warning. Either way, you’re crushed. You feel like the world has ended, because yours has. Your best friend left without even looking back. God put this perfect human in your life, you fell in love, and then God took him away from you. You don’t know what to do without him. It wasn’t like you depended on him for happiness, but your own happiness doubled, even tripled, when he was with you. You never thought you’d lose him, and you never thought he’d want to lose you. But something happened in his head that scared him, and so he left.
You told your friends, and all of them said, “he’s an asshole," “you can do so much better," and “there are plenty of fish in the sea.” But you don’t want other fish, you want him. You’re tired of hearing all of your friends hate on him. You feel like everyone is forgetting how happy you were when you two were together. Everybody seems to forget that you can’t just get over someone you love in a few days, or even a week. A broken heart takes time, and you can take as much time as you want.
You try to get him back. Not forcefully, but you want him back. You don’t want him out of your life forever. He means the world to you, and you can’t imagine your life without him. You never wanted to think about a moment where you weren’t together. Maybe you weren’t thinking about marriage just yet, but you never wanted the happiness to end. Sure, there were bad times. There were times where he made you cry and pissed you off, but you know you did the same to him. And that’s what relationships are all about; it isn’t 24/7 happiness.
Relationships are about pushing each other and wanting the best for one another, but wanting to be there to see those bests. There are days in every relationship, even in your seemingly perfect one, that aren’t great. There are tears and fights. But a relationship isn’t about giving up, it’s about working through the tough times together. And that’s what you see this break up as: a tough time that you need to work through, together. You want it to work out. You want him. You’ve always wanted him.
He wanted you, too. And maybe he still does, but the circumstances are just too much. He never wanted to lose you. He loved you even if he never said it. The way he looked at you, the way he held you, the way he laughed with you were his way of saying that he truly loved and cared for you. You were his favorite part of the day. You were his best friend and his laugh and his smile. He never wanted those days with you to end. He looked forward to seeing you, whether it was a few minutes or a few days away.
But maybe the timing wasn’t right. Maybe you both are too far in miles to be with each other right now. Maybe you both are headed down different paths, and he realized that before you did. Maybe he wants you back. It’ll take time. In time, he might realize that he wants you. He’s always wanted you. Maybe, in a month or so, he’ll see you at a party, talking to some other guy, and he’ll realize how much he misses you. Maybe he stays up at night, crying because the thought of you two being apart is too much for him to handle. Maybe he’ll see your picture and a tear will fall from his eye because he finally realizes what he let go. And maybe he’ll call you and ask you to go for coffee. Maybe the thought of you with someone else will make his heart cringe, like it does for you. Maybe he’ll think about your smile and laugh, and his stomach will fall to the floor. Maybe the thought of getting to wake up next to you will cloud his head, and he’ll realize he never wants to fall asleep without you. Maybe the memories you share will sting him the way they sting you, and maybe he’ll try to fix things. And maybe, just maybe, he’ll realize that losing you was the silliest thing he’s ever done, because you’re his best friend. And he loves you even though he’s never said it.
It is okay to cry, it is okay to be sad and mope, and it is okay to want him back. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself happy again. It'll take a long time, but you will be happy again. And maybe you'll be happy with him again. Don’t delete his pictures and number and block him on every form of social media just because you’re mad at what he did. Don’t do anything stupid that will make him hate you forever. Just remember to be rational with your decisions. Give him time—boys are slower at figuring out their feelings. Never regret him, because at one point he was everything you ever wanted. And maybe he still is. Because it's him; it will always be him.
