Happiness. Such a small word that can bring a smile to almost anyone's face. But why is it that happiness is something that people seems to lack often? Why is it that I struggle to maintain my happiness? I fully believe that I allow others to control my feelings. I let people walk all over me, abusing my emotions like they are nothing. I rely on other people to bring out the happiness within me and I need to change that. For one, I definitely need to learn how to make myself happy before I think someone else can. My whole life has been an emotional roller coaster of wondering whether or not the people around me can really dictate how I feel. To an extent, yes. My family and friends most definitely can make me feel happier. But at the end of the day, who is it that really determines my happiness? It's me.
Lately, I've found myself in a 'funk'. I'm not depressed, not upset about anything specific, I'm just not me. And I can't put a finger on why. Until recently, I put everyone I loved before me, and I think that's my biggest mistake. Obviously I want what's best for everyone in my life, but I need to focus on making myself the happiest person I can be.
People ask me if I'm okay. They question why I look so upset, so tired. I simply have no answer. I shake my head, shrug my shoulders and just admit that I'm not my happiest, and for no good reason.
I've convinced myself that most of my lack of happiness lately has been because of a boy who doesn't know who he lost. I could've proved how great of a young woman I am, but you let me slip between your fingertips simply because you didn't want to be tied down. Unfortunately, I caught some serious feelings and from that I have been unhappy. Do NOT let someone, especially an immature young man, control your happiness.
I hear it all the time. If you can't love yourself, how do you expect someone else to fall in love with you? And it's the most true statement I've ever heard. As a young adult, I crave that love attraction that everyone around me seems to have, but me. I crave the attention from someone who 100% means he loves me. I crave the mental attraction, the physical attraction. I crave it all. But, I can't expect someone to love me if I can't love myself.
Cheer up. Things may not be looking it's best right now, but I'm almost certain they will get better. Wipe those tears away; crying won't solve anything. Show your strength; don't let the negativity affect you.
But, don't worry. The girl who you used to be is still in there, begging for you to recognize it. Things may not look as if they're going to work out for you, but only time can tell. You may think that everything in the world is going wrong, or that everyone you know is against you, but that's your mind playing games. You control your happiness. Don't let those around you and the world around you change that.
