Dear Girl,

I don’t blame you for not knowing. It’s not like it’s a real competition or like I actually talk to you. Rather, it’s an internal competition of intelligence and competence in one of my favorite subjects: literature. It’s stupid really, to still be comparing myself to others in my junior year of college. I guess old habits die hard. Besides I can’t help it. It’s the old I-want-to-learn-but-also-already-have-a-lot-of-knowledge part of me. I have an extreme desire to learn, learn new things and as an advant reader, I am always looking for recommendations. However, it’s hard to learn new things when you already know them and the class discussions are led by you. It makes me feel as if I should already know these things if I’m a serious literature student. In some ways, it makes me feel incompetent. How do you know these things? Why is it that your comments and points always seem to overshadow mine? Perhaps it’s just envy - envy that I don’t have the knowledge that you do. At the same time, I also know that my knowledge and intelligence is just as important. Contradictory isn’t it? I know intelligence isn’t measured by a couple of good points one has, but I can’t help it. Honestly, don’t sweat it. This is a competition I am losing and I am perfectly fine with that. I know that in the end, this is not what defines my intelligence. Don’t worry, I will work on not feeling less and in fact, feeling like a lot more.

Sincerely,