The “get over it” mentality: you’re not strong if you are continually emotional over an event, hardship, person or loss.

Our society teaches us to be strong at all times and in all situations. Don’t show weakness, pain, or struggle even when that’s the most authentic way to present yourself. The moment you show those things you are less desirable, as men and women alike look for strength in their partners and friends. Emotional is often seen as some kind of baggage.

I went to my hometown for a funeral and my parents planned on driving me back to school as soon as it was over. After grieving in a dimly lit church, I immediately ran to my room to pack my things and get back to my college town. I was crying and scurrying all over my room when my mom came in to see it all unfold, sat me down on the middle of the floor, held me and said, “Slow down, it’s okay to be upset, you don’t have to rush this.” So I sat down, cried and openly said how I was feeling.

That time after the funeral was one of the first moments I was encouraged to feel the emotions running through me; that doesn’t happen enough in our world. If anything, it’s the opposite. We are told so often to move on, get over it, stop moping around. If you try to bypass the pain when it originates, it will continue to hurt.

There is power in allowing yourself to hurt, grieve or even rejoice. In a society where wearing a fake smile is better than showing true emotion, permitting yourself to feel and live the emotions inside of you is a sign of strength. It’s okay to lie on the couch for days, to cry, to openly question “why”; those are human things. You should allow yourself to be human and real for your own good.

If it’s not something you’re used to, give yourself a time limit. “I am going to let myself be sad for four days, and then I’m going to change my outlook.”

My mom also taught me that pain is something you tap back into. After the initial shock, there will be days you revisit the pain, mostly for your own good. It’s never easy, but it gets easier. You know the emotions; you know what it’s like to feel them. By learning how you deal with different emotions, grief, pain, or heartbreak, future situations may be easier to deal with. It’s all about learning about yourself, one of the most important things in life.

Instead of making others pack away their feelings, encourage them to open up. Strength isn’t telling the world that everything is okay; it’s being brave enough to feel the things most people try to push away.