It has been a long time since I swore off slip and slides at parties.
I don't want to get into it, but jumping onto a plastic sheet covered in soap and rocks had me couch ridden for days. That being said, I still support their existence, not because they are safe or fun but because they make it acceptable for swimsuits to appear at parties.
No, I’m not talking about girls wearing bikini tops and jorts; I’m talking about rowdy menswear.
I have always supported sporting swimsuits during parties in any weather. Swimsuits are colorful, short, quick-drying clothing that makes underwear obsolete. Even in December, gatherings get hot, and I always get spilled on. Why not combat that with clothing that makes you look dope while staying comfortable and dry? Need to pee but don't want to have to navigate the countless layers of clothing between you and peeing on a wall outside?
Swimsuit. Some freshman tried to hand a beverage but instead poured it directly on your crotch? Swimsuit. Dance floor malfunction land you on the ground covered in that mysterious frat juice? Swimsuit.
The list of these potential mishaps is roughly as long as my list of the pros of wearing a swimsuit, but somehow I’m the only one wearing a swimsuit in December. Luckily it’s spring now, and you don't have to be committed to the swimsuit lifestyle to seize the day. Lead the pack and crack out the swimsuit even if there is no foam party or slip and slide to make it kosher. Watch your friends struggle to operate their primitive zippers while you and your elegant drawstrings make it look easy.
People will talk. They always question innovators. Don't let that slow you down; we are just ahead of our time. For those of you thinking about the “mesh dilemma,” just stick to cargos. You’re not the kind of kid I want joining the movement if you can’t be comfortable.
Just like with Civil Rights or the LGBT movement, you want to be on the right side of history and be able to tell your kids you didn't let the status quo hold you back.
I have a dream that one day, right here in Indiana, swimsuit-wearing boys and hot sorority girls will be able to join hands as sisters and brothers and rage without being judged because it's December.