"Why are you in such a rush?"

I'm holding my breath as my eyes are like daggers on the floor, refusing to face the question.

"Wh-what? What do you mean?"

Her face doesn't move.

"Why are you so afraid of failure?"

I look up at her with hesitation reflecting off my eyes. Suddenly I feel as if I'm going to break down. I forget to breathe.

I remember the times as a child having my whole life planned out, counting down the years until I would be able to drive.

Five more years, I remember thinking.

The thought of being a teenager intrigued me. I was entranced with the idea of becoming older, thinking that when I was older things would be better.

I'm older now and things aren't better. But that doesn't stop me from being convinced that the future holds greater opportunities for me.

I want a lot of things in life, that I hope the future provides me. I want love, to be liked, to lose weight, and to find success. Most of all I want to be happy.

Sometimes I ask myself why life hasn't fulfilled my expectations yet. Sometimes I ask myself how much longer I have to wait. I'm impatient. I'm scared of failure -- that's the problem.

All I want is success without experiencing failure, and that's what holds me back. I don't give myself a chance for my expectations to be fulfilled by the future, yet I still crave what's ahead,convinced that I'll be satisfied. I don't give myself a chance to lose weight because I give in right when I start to draw back to bad habits. I don't give myself a chance to find love because right when I become vulnerable I put up a wall, scared of the risk. I don't give myself a chance to be successful because right when I feel as if I'm lesser than someone else I stop trying to become a better version of myself. I don't give myself a chance to be happy because every time I smile I find another reason to frown. I cause myself to fail before I actually get the chance to confront failure naturally, in order to have control.

I'm so eager to rush life, eager to control life. Eager for everything to come quickly, bringing sunnier days.

A lot of people tell me that in order to be happy it's important to be present first. I don't know how true that is; I don't know how true anything is anymore. I do know this: I know that right now I'm too focused on the future, and I'm not exactly happy. So maybe everyone's right. Perhaps in order to be happy it's not about staying away from focusing on the future, but instead making sure you don't rely on the future, instead rely on yourself. Maybe it's time you let yourself fail and you'll find true happiness in what it's like to really succeed.