First of all, I miss you. I miss you a lot. When I’m online, and I’ll see something I know would make you laugh so hard, or when I see an old picture of us, laughing so hard it must have hurt. It’s so easy to forget all the horrible things you’ve done to me. But then again, it’s you who decided to walk away, like it was so easy.
I was done with drama in middle school, and I am completely over it now.
To me, the most important thing in any friendship is honesty. A million times over, I would rather have my friend approach me with a problem they are having with me then talk behind my back or simply ignore me, and I follow the same policy. To express anger by not liking my Instagram photo or ignoring my Facebook comment just shows how little you actually care about the friendship. I wish at least you’d just tell me that you’re done with me, rather than pretending that everything’s fine. As if you’re always this distant. As if it’s normal that we haven’t spoken in months. Maybe you’re busy. Maybe you’re sick. But really, you just don’t care anymore. Or maybe you never really did.
Silence has created a wall around us. I wanted to keep our friendship going. We’ve been like family since we met. We were together for it all, the good times and the bad. I cried on the phone to you when my family was going through rough times, and you cried on the phone to me when you it was rough for you, too. Losing you is like losing a limb. I always forget you’re not there anymore. All the time, I’ll see something that reminds me of you, and I go to text you, but then I remember we’re not speaking and I feel like I could cry. Your responses to me lately have been so fake, so empty anyway; it would only hurt to see what you would say back.
I think you like to forget how much you hurt me. You don’t know what it’s like to have your best friend, the one who’s supposed to be there for you, tell everyone your worst insecurities behind your back. That I’m fat. That I’m annoying. That I’m not talented. Everything I was so scared to be, you told people I was. You never really apologized, but you got better. I loved you, so I forgave you anyway. Then, at some point, it all went upside down again. You stopped caring about what was going on with me, only what going on with you. You couldn’t give me the time of day. Everything always had to go exactly the way you wanted it: we ate where you wanted, went where you wanted, did what you wanted. And if it didn’t go your way, you were in a bad mood for the rest of the day, and made damn sure everyone around you felt bad, too. I was afraid that I would lose our friendship, so I told you what was making me unhappy. I thought being honest would save it, but you decided to let it die.
You care more about holding a grudge than salvaging a friendship.
I tried talking to you, but you won’t talk, so now I’m writing this stupid letter. I wish I could have just said this to you. You’ll show this letter to your friends, see what they say. Maybe you’ll be angry, maybe you’ll be sad. Whatever they say will help validate how you’re feeling. But the bottom line is I was never the villain in this story. I tried so hard, and you know you can’t say the same. So if you’re done trying, then so am I. I deserve better.
I’m so sick of being angry, so I won’t be. Even after everything, I’m just sad. I already miss you. I love you so much, and I always will. You’ll always be family to me. I hope you’re happy, and I hope you have friends who care about you so much and who you care about back. I'll always cherish our good memories together; I would never want to forget those times we shared. I wish you only the best in life, and I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for.
