It’s true. I did not totally believe all of our friends when they said I would miss you this summer. It’s not that I hate you, we are friends after all; I just thought I needed this break without you. Through a year of awkward encounters, emotionally charged situations, and quite a few nasty little fights, I didn’t expect you to be at the top of my miss list this summer, but you are. I never thought I would be able to come right out and say it, and trust me it’s still a little painful, but I miss you.

When I first realized this, I was so confused. At first, I thought that maybe I was slipping back into romantic feelings of freshman year while thinking of an idealized version of you in my head. This thought, however, was fleeting because we both know how badly all of that ended up the first time and I knew I was not in that place again. Next I thought about the good times we have had together over the past year and a half. All the family dinners, hang outs at the Shack, classes together, and fun times with friends. Even thinking of all of these good times, my heart didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would, for I know that as soon as we are back together these times and this fun will pick up as if we never left. Finally, I thought of the bad times, the hurt feelings, the screaming fighting, the times we refused to talk to each other or were deeply hurt by the other but refused to show it. My heart was aching thinking of this. No, of course I don’t miss hurting you. I don’t miss crying over you or fighting with you or not talking to you at all, but I miss the challenge you present to me every time we talk.

You are one of the few people in my life not afraid to stand up and challenge me on anything and everything I say. You are a person that is a constant source of headache but has also made me so much better because of it. You are the one person at school that can shut me up for long enough to make me think about my words or actions. Really, truly think about them. You keep me on my toes always, you are my own personal form of balances to my checks, and although we fight sometimes, I appreciate it. You may not see all of the change you have prompted in me, but I do. I will, forever, be indebted to you for making me a better person.

So, it’s true, I miss you. There I said it. I can’t wait to go back up to school and be able to have my friends all around me again. Just remember J, through the good and the bad, I have and will ALWAYS appreciate your friendship and loyalty!