I hate going on dates. Now I don’t mean that I’m antisocial or anything, I love my friends and I generally like most people but there’s just something about getting all dressed and nervous about going out to meet an almost complete stranger that has never made since to me. I want to one day get married. I want to one day have kids with the love of my life but why do dates have to be the way to get there. I’ve never had any success with women, maybe that’s why I hate dates so much. No relationship I’ve ever been in has lasted more than a year. Very few even last that long. And the worst part is that I’ve never really found someone I was hopeful about. The longest relationships I ever had only lasted that long because she wanted them to. I’ve never really found anyone that I wanted to go out of my way to try for. I’m sorry if that sounds awful but I just never have. Maybe that too is why I hate dates. I don’t see a huge reason for them besides the tiny sliver of hope I have left. The same tiny sliver that has me dressed in my favorite button up shirt and jeans combo about to go meet a girl I met at a bar a few days ago for dinner. Maybe this girl is the one, I did have a pretty fun night just talking to her. And though I wouldn’t have been upset if it went further that night. The fact that it didn’t kind of gives me even more hope. Like there’s more to come.
But I better get going. I have my car outside of my apartment set and ready to go. I’m meeting her at a place across town called McNally’s. Nothing too fancy but a nice first date restaurant I think. A place to get to know someone. And it’s one of my favorites so hopefully some of my nerves will go away. I always get nervous and it has never made any sense. But I’m starting to think that maybe my theory is wrong as I’m stepping into McNally’s feeling like any small shock will release all my nerves like a nuclear explosion.
But fortunately enough I’m able to make it inside and to the desk at the front without causing any atomic destruction. I tell the worker at the desk that I’m here with a date that might already be here, I give her the name of my date just in case. And who would’ve guessed it but she is here. The server points me in her direction and there she is. I’m not one hundred percent sure what true love looks like but from the view I have of her across the restaurant I feel like I can wager a pretty good guess. My nerves are already starting to fade away, and I don’t think the restaurant has anything to do with it.
I walk over to her, staring the whole time. Part of me reflects on how stupid this must look and how dumb I’m going to feel if I end up knocking over something doing this. But in the moment I don’t care. Right now I have my eyes locked on the most beautiful girl in the world. I barely remember our conversation from the other night but I’m already starting to fantasize about her. Unfortunately though the restaurant isn’t that big so I don’t have a whole lot of time for fantasizing on this walk before I’m at the table and she’s gotten up to do greetings. She seems even more nervous than I am, which makes me smile a bit and suddenly all the nerves I had earlier are gone. In the few seconds we’ve been talking already she checks her bag on the floor about five times, which if I wasn’t fully entranced would come off as a red flag. But I don’t even notice it. We start getting back into our conversation from the other night and I immediately remember it. The hazy fog from alcohol drifts away as if cleared up by a magnificent sun coming up in the sky. And the slight hope that had been growing about this night starts accelerating even faster. I must have forgotten until now but this girl is perfect. She loves everything I love. She’s nerdy but sweet at the same time and though it might sound too perfect, what reassures me is that she does have flaws. They are just somehow perfect flaws.
The night seems to zoom by and I’m not entirely sure but I think I see her nerves start to disappear too. We get done with our food and in what might be the best thing to happen all night, she fights for the check! Though I win said fight, that is just the cherry for top of this perfect date sundae. We make our way out to the parking lot, and I quickly decide in my head to go for it. I ask if she wants to continue the night back at my apartment and she accepts! What would’ve been an unfortunate happening the other night is now going to be the perfect end to this night and hopefully to other nights as well. We head over to my car and I drive to my place. We talk the whole car ride and I can’t stop smiling for a second. We get to my place and I walk her inside. She then asks to go into the bathroom for a second and I let it go without a second thought. She hasn’t gone to the restroom all night so she must have to go. She then leaves into the bathroom with her purse and I then sit down on the couch and wait. I start think about the night so far, with what must be the dumbest smile of all time on my face I wait. From over my shoulder I hear the bathroom door open. I get up to talk to her and see what she wants to do now and am met by something I did not expect at all. And if I hadn’t seen it, I would never have believed it Two inches from my face is now an incredibly sharp and incredibly real katana…My brain stops…what the hell! I can’t even interpret what I’m seeing right now. I’m pretty sure I go blind for at least three seconds. But then my inner freaking out is interrupted but my date talking. I actually end up missing some of it.
“Umm can you repeat that?” I say, “I missed that first part”
“What the hell, I don’t have time for this” She replies, all the composure and sweetness that’s been a part of her all night seems to have gone away the second the katana came out. The freaking katana!
“What I was saying” She says, “Is that you are my eternal rival. My nemesis. And I am here to kill you”
Kill. Me. I don’t even hear that part at first, not before I reply. “Wait, what, explain please. I am your eternal rival? I’ve never even met you before the other night.” Then it hits me. Kill. “ And what the hell do you mean you’re going to kill me??”
And then she starts to reply, almost emotionless except for a slight hint of annoyance. This definitely isn’t the same girl I’ve spent all night with. It can’t be. “You are right there. We haven’t met before the other night at the bar. But you are definitely my rival. And by that I mean that our lives are intertwined. They always have been. Even our ancestors lives have been intertwined. The only way I can unlock my true power is by killing you. And yes I really am going to kill you. With this mystical blade granted to me”
At that point though I have to cut her off. “Holy shit, do you hear how crazy you sound right now. Our live are intertwined? What kind of drug are you on??? This isn’t some old martial arts movie. Who the hell told you all this anyway??”
She then almost seems to get sucked into some trance. But the same look of annoyance from before flicks on her face and she starts explaining “If you would’ve let me finish, I would’ve told you. My master, the man that taught me everything I know of martial arts. Who gave me the skill I have now to kill you. Is the one that told me of my destiny, of the great evils I will one day defeat if only I can kill you and unlock my real power.”
I think I then heard a soft dropping sound of my jaw hitting the floor. But fortunately I was still able to talk and I said. “Okay. I’m gonna ignore for a second the incredible craziness that makes up that explanation and I’m going to ask you one simple question. How do you know you can really trust this master guy of yours. Someone who would send a trained killer like yourself after someone like me doesn’t sound like a good guy. And though I’m guessing most of this night has been an act and that is going to cause me some pain later, I think I have still learned at least a little bit about you and I can tell you are no bad guy. And though I am no saint myself I really don’t deserve to get killed with a katana. So how can you trust that this guy isn’t just getting his rocks off by having you kill someone for no reason.”
Then for a second I think I see some kind of doubt in her face but that is immediately cleaned off. This master guy must have her brain washed good. Wait, what the hell am I saying. This can’t be real. Before I’m able to keep think about that though, my date speaks and she seems to really be getting angry though she starts to lower her katana “This man took me in when all of my family was killed. He raised me when I had no one else. He is the only family I have and your telling me that he is some evil man that has sent me to kill an innocent person. Why should I trust you??”
Ok, crazy lady with a katana. You want to play old martial arts movie pretend, let’s do this. In the morning when/if I’m still alive I can look back on how crazy this is but for now I’m going to get into it. “That’s the thing, you have almost no reason to trust me. But this master of yours may be in the same boat. You say he took you in when all of your family was murdered, well how do you know he didn’t actually murder them.” Now to make a bunch of assumptions and if they work I should be golden. “ How do you know he wasn’t actually jealous of your father and your family and in order to tear that apart he killed them. But that wasn’t enough for him, he needed to really ruin them. And what better way than to turn their only daughter, the future of their family into a murderer. It would be simple enough right. Gain her trust by taking her in, and then when she fully believes everything you say send her after some innocent guy claiming he is her rival. Once she kills him and is in jail you have ruined the man who is your rival in the present and the future.” Then I think I see a small tear cross her face. I wish I wouldn’t of but I think I just struck gold. “Who do you really have less reason to trust, this master of yours or me?” I say then putting the final nail into it.
My date for the night then looks me deep in the eyes and I can see she believes me. Hell I even kind of believe me at this point. She then puts her katana into a sheath I hadn’t noticed up until this point and before I know it, she’s gone. I go to close the window that coincidentally opened as soon as she disappeared and there on the windowsill…is a little yellow post it note. On it I read, “I’m so sorry for all this. I actually enjoyed tonight though up until the end. Call me. Let me make it up to you.” And then below that is a ten digit number. I haven’t even processed all of this before I go and put the note on my counter and I get into bed and pass out. I’m done for the night. But before I pass out one simple thought crosses my mind, “she was pretty cute.” Then I smile. “Maybe there’s hope yet”