I see you. I notice the loss of color in your complexion. You're always in a weird mood or do your best to smile. You don't dress up as much as you used to or do your makeup every day. You spend more time in your room. You probably don't realize how little you see your friends. You have your phone glued to your hand and post less and less. The fire in you is gone. And it's all because of him.
He told you about his past relationships. He told you everything his exes did wrong or the things they said he did and he swore it wasn't true. He just wanted you to hear it from him. So blindingly, you believe him and pour your heart out over the ones who did you wrong. You told him right there that you know your worth and will leave at the first sign of danger. He promised that he would treat you like the princess you are, that he would never break your heart. And as expected, you trusted him.
At first, he seemed like a dreamboat, as if he should've ridden in on a white horse and metal armor. For a while, you felt like you were on top of the world. The perfect couple. But it's short-lived once you go out with your friends one night. A night of harmless GNO fun. He sees all the snaps you posted on your story. He notices that there are boys there and he freaks. He calls and you immediately answer. You tell him not to worry but said if it would make him feel better you would go home. So to prevent a fight you do as he asked. But the next few days you notice him distant, cold. He eventually opens up and almost blows up over the situation. He thinks that going out is pointless since you're in a relationship now. He makes you feel so small while he sits there and plays the victim.
You didn't realize it then but in that moment everything will begin to change.
From that moment on he texts you constantly, sometimes he will even send multiple texts at once if you take too long to reply. He starts to get upset when you tell him that you are going to spend time with your girls because you haven't seen them in a while because he's worried about what you would be up to. So as months go by you eventually start to lie to him about spending time with friends, you say you're doing homework instead. He starts to visit more and more on the weekends and stays longer so you will have limited time to do anything alone. He belittles you and talks down to you as if you were a child. Every time something happens he blames you and twists it so at the end of it you're the one apologizing, not him. He suggests you stay in rather than go out on real dates.
After a few months, you realize that this isn't right, that something needs to change, so you bring it up to him. You tell him all the things that have been bothering you and he immediately thinks you are about to break up with him so he goes into panic mode. He says he can't live without you and that he will change just to give him a chance. He slightly hints at suicide because the thought of not being with you was too much. So you promise him that you won't leave because he needs you and you love him. You only hope that it gets better.
Months come and go and it has only gotten worse. At this point now you hardly see your friends, you stopped caring about your appearance and your only priorities are school and him. He has complete possession of you because he refuses to let you have a moment to yourself. You argue over the smallest things and somehow he always manages to make you the bad person in the situation. You wish you could take a break but worried about what he might do. You feel trapped. You cry and talk to your best friend about it all because you don't know what to do. However, you find yourself defending him when she tries to talk bad about him. You still believe he's the one and that he's a great guy because it's not like he hits you or abuses you.
By now you're approaching the year mark. He notices that you're distant and cold to him. You aren't acting like his girlfriend anymore, pushing him away. That's because you just recently found out he cheated on you. This is your way out, but he spins more lies, trying to get you to believe it's not true. He's realized that he's going to lose you so he promises to change and that it was nothing. But at this point you just want to be done because you aren't in love him, you aren't happy. But there is a small part of you that feels guilty. You feel like it's all your fault, and hate yourself for feeling this way about him because you care for him and wish it never came to this but you beg him to just let you go....
I was this girl.
I've been there. But I finally realized that enough was enough. Emotional abuse in a relationship is just as bad as physical abuse, no matter the case. You shouldn't have to justify anyone's actions, you shouldn't feel like you're trapped and have to watch what you do 24/7. A relationship is meant for each partner to be treated equally, no one should ever try to possess and control the others actions and life. I found my worth, I found what makes me happy. And you should too. If you are this girl then please seek help. Or if you have a friend who is in a controlling relationship, reach out to them. Be there for them and let them know you are there. Emotional abuse is damaging, ruins one's esteem and it's hard to gain it all back. But it isn't impossible.
