“No, we didn’t date. Technically he wasn’t a boyfriend. But he was an ex-something, an ex-maybe. An ex-almost.”
We’ve all had the ex-almost. The person we wanted to be with so badly. You may have talked, called each other babe or baby and maybe held hands when you went out on what you thought were dates. They probably always told you that the timing was wrong so you held on to all the hope imaginable. You trusted them because you never had a reason not to. They treated you the exact way you always wanted to be treated but for some reason it wasn’t enough.
One day, they just leave. Because there’s normally no warning. You might get the “I just don’t know what I want right now” or the overly used, but oh so classic, “It’s not you, it’s me.” You are crushed. You gave your all to this person and for what in return? A callous text that doesn’t give you any answers as to why or even closure so you don’t waste the next three months wondering what you did.
But let’s face it, whether or not you saw this coming, it still hurts like no other when you see them show interest in another girl. Or even the first time you see her posting another guy as her man crush. (Ladies, let’s be honest, we’ve done this to a guy at least once). You end up feeling completely cheated because why does that person get the one you want?
You were there for them when they were happy, sad, and angry, you were the one who they came and saw, the one whose family loved them from the first time they met them but this new person just gets your place so effortlessly. Let’s be real, the only reason you tolerated the no labels was because you ultimately thought it was going to pay off in the end but the only thing you got was heartbreak and left standing there like an idiot.
However, the most fulfilling things that come after the ex-almost are first moving on and second, when they try to come back.
Moving On. This happens pretty slowly. It can take a couple weeks or up to a few months. The best thing to remember is that it’s not going to okay right way and that in itself is okay. Everyone used to always tell me, “It’s going to be okay” and so I tried so hard to hold it all in and smile which just caused me to break even more. Then recently a good friend told me, “Kaitlin, it’s not going to be okay right away and that’s fine. It’s okay to cry, to reread messages, and look at his profile.” That’s when I realized that it’s fine to embrace the heartbreak. It’s healthy and the best thing about it is one day you will wake up and realize you haven’t cried in three days, you finally unfollowed them on Instagram and you smile knowing that it no longer bothers you when their name doesn’t pop up on your phone. You actually smile and shake your head in a small victory knowing you can’t even tell anyone how long it’s been since they’ve texted you and you’ve never been so happy to not know where they are.
When They Try To Come Back. Personally, this is my favorite stage. It’s always long after you moved on. It’s usually after a few months when you are laughing with your friends, finally gained back the confidence and are trying to pursue a new love interest when all of a sudden, DING, their name lights up your screen. Your stomach drops and you instantly think, “What could they possibly want?” They start telling you about how they miss you and how everything can be what it was. You almost want to believe them, but then you remember how you felt seeing them flaunt your replacement over social media, the long night spent crying and you begin to laugh knowing you could shatter their entire existence with a few words but you don’t. You don’t because you know this vicious tit for tat cycle needs to end. You honestly want to give them the second chance but you know that it’s not going to be healthy. So you take the power into your own hands and end things. For good. On your terms. Maybe you tell them you can be friends. Maybe you tell them that one day you might run into each other at a bar and start all over. But that day you tell them, sorry but I’m happy without you and I wish you happiness.
Remember, even if you weren’t officially boyfriend or girlfriend, it will still hurt and don’t let anyone try and tell you otherwise. No matter which piece of yourself you give to someone, when they take it and don’t come back, it tears you apart. However, after the tears are dried, remember that you were happy before them and you can and will be happy after them.
