So you’re about to start your first cooler. Whether it’s for a fraternity formal, an anniversary, or just one for yourself to use and enjoy, painting a cooler always seems like a great idea (until you start it, at least). The cooler doesn’t need to be finished for another month or so, and
you’ve already got an idea of what you want to put on it, so you’re confident you’ll finish it on time and that it’ll look great. You haven’t yet experienced the constant anxiety and mental breakdowns that come with painting a cooler, but you will soon.
2. Sudden Dread
The sudden realization that you had no clue what the hell you got yourself into usually hits once you go to purchase the supplies needed for your cooler. And looking on Facebook groups like the Cooler Connection just seems to increase your anxiety, especially when you read tutorials that have a supply list 30 items long. Do you really need Mod Podge and a sealer? And what brand of primer is best? And, don’t even get me started on the dozens of different types of coolers available for purchase at Walmart.
3. Hatred
If you don’t eventually grow to hate your cooler, you haven’t spent
enough time working on it. You might change your plans for one of the sides because your original idea is too hard. You might spill a drop (or five) of paint on a section of your cooler where it doesn’t belong. You might even paint an entire side, stare at it for a few days, and then decide it’s too ugly to be seen by the general public and completely paint over it. Whatever problems you face, your cooler will eventually become an item sitting in the corner of your room that you cannot help but glare at every time you walk by it.
4. Panic
It’s the night before you leave for formal, and not only are you not done painting, but you also still have to Mod Podge and seal your cooler. You’ve already given up on painting the corners and a few other details on each side, and as you near the 2 a.m. mark, the panic sets in. While you sloppily paint and scramble to finish, you pray your date doesn’t expect too much out of you and your barely-finished cooler. At least it’s not made out of Styrofoam with his name written on it in sharpie, right?
5. Impairment
You’ve made it to Mountain Weekend/Formal/the Beach, and while your cooler isn’t the best one there, it’s definitely not the worst, and you take pride in that fact. You can now enjoy what’s inside of your cooler instead of trying not to throw it against the wall. And in fact, the more you drink, the better your cooler starts to look…
