The Downside To Mutual Breakups

Liking someone is great. Not as in, "Hey, I like you so I'll let you have a bite of my doughnut," but more of a, "Dang, I think you're cute and funny and we should hangout more often." You know what's even better than liking someone? Knowing they like you back. And what's the greatest? Being in a healthy and happy relationship with someone you adore.

But what do you do when that ends?

For some it ends worse than others. Cheating may have taken place (and no, not the kind that wins board games). Perhaps the couple just didn't mesh, so they drifted apart. Maybe there was a huge fight that they couldn't get past. But my question isn't so much for those people, as for the ones who separate but still love each other. Now to be fair, these scenarios are quite a bit more rare than the previous ones. However, they still happen and I'd be incredibly curious to see what and how people feel months or years after the breakup.

This is what happened to me with my relationship. Granted, I think differently than most people do. A fact I've slowly been realizing as I've grown older. So whenever I start thinking about personal feelings and thoughts, I can't help but have that little voice in my head wondering if this is common for other people who have gone through similar situations.

I had a mutual breakup. We broke up for some very good reasons. Long distance. Age difference. Not wanting to have regrets by only dating one person throughout high school. There were several more, but those were a few of them. We had talked and discussed every point at length and, sad as we both were, decided that a breakup was in our best interests. Despite all that, when we broke up I suddenly realized how hard it was going to be for me.

See, I get really attached to girls I'm interested in. I'm that guy who does cute, thoughtful, probably over the top things for girls who I have a passing crush on. So imagine how I get when I enter into a relationship with a girl I like! I put my all into that relationship. That girl becomes my everything. My life revolves around her. Which is going to be a great thing when I'm married, but still in the dating phase? It can be a problem. Especially when it comes to something like a breakup and I'm expected to move on. It took me a lot longer to get over my romantic feelings for her than it took her to get over them for me. She eventually said she needed to stop talking to me for an indefinite amount of time and we haven't since. Most guys I know would have completely moved on to the point where they hardly think about her. Most guys would have acquired a new girlfriend long before this much time had passed. A "she's done with me, so I'm done with her" mentality.

Then there's me. I have completely gotten over her romantically, don't get me wrong. Yet, I will still check up on her Facebook or Instagram to see how she's doing and if she's happy. I'll still take out romantic letters she sent me in the past and smile while reminiscing of older times. I'll still have that longing inside to be able to talk to her. To have that option. And to have her want to talk to me. I've long moved past longing for our relationship, but I don't think I'll ever get past longing for our friendship back. I really liked her! In the "I'll let you have a bite of my doughnut" way! Sometimes I wish she wanted our friendship back as much as I do.

However, because I don't think most people think the way I do about things like this, I doubt that will happen. So I continue on with my fantastic and thoroughly enjoyable life, occasionally taking old letters out of storage and fondly smile as I re-read them once again.