I never really decided to attend a four-year university. It was something I thought was expected of me. Then I realized it isn't always what is expected of someone whose parents didn't make it to high school, whose grandparents, and anyone who came before them, didn't even attend school.
My parents were both born in Mexico. They understand some English but they don't speak it very well. This I have in common with a lot of my peers, however, I do not speak for all of them. There are first-generation students of every socioeconomic and ethnic background and every one of their experiences is different. There are so many things I wish I had known, expected, and planned for.
The first thing I realized was that a lot of kids have parents who fill out FAFSA and other financial aid forms for them, and some students have parents who even pay their tuition. I was copying down numbers that I didn't know the meaning of. While completing forms, I wasn't sure if I was putting the right numbers in the right places. I was in a financial situation that required the school to ask for follow up information to show them how I'd be paying for college. I was already confused about paperwork I had completed and now I had to do more. I ended up getting a private loan, which was a difficult task in itself. This put a big downer on my excitement. It didn't feel like anyone was rooting for me to make it to college. I made it, hadn't even started class and had already committed to a large amount of debt, especially because I decided to attend a private university.
My parents and I showed up to admitted students day and orientation, not having a clue what we were doing. We brought my little sister when we probably should have left her at a friend's house. My parents came and they were excited I was going to college, but they did not have the same experience that the English speaking parents had. Other parents laughed at the jokes the University's president made, but after I translated, they weren't funny. There were all these workshops, and our opinions were split on which to attend but ultimately we all had to go to the same one so I could translate. There were things set up for families but we felt insecure about going, we weren't even sure if we were supposed to go. There was a workshop for Spanish speaking parents, but there weren't many there. I'm sure when they were told of it's availability they didn't quite understand because it was mentioned in English. If their student failed to say it, they had no way of knowing.
I wish I would have known that there are resources available before I even thought about attending college, but even had I known, I may have been to embarrassed to ask for help. I was a high achiever in high school, and I think that worked against me. People assumed I would be able to handle everything on my own. Still, I am lucky. There are students who have other struggles. Some students are torn between staying at home to help out financially. My parents never let me have a job so I wouldn't try to work instead of go to school. They made sure college was my only option. For many of my fellow first generation students it is difficult to make the decision to go to college. We are scared, confused, and feel incompetent. This doesn't even begin to discuss a lot of other potential situations.
Every once in a while I feel like I shouldn't be here, at a four year university. I was excited for higher education, to learn more about more things. My excitement faded, when I realized I feel the same discomfort I did in the public educational system. I still had to learn in English, the only difference was I couldn't go back home and speak Spanish. At school I am stuck in a bubble of English and American culture. Also, I miss the authentic home made Mexican food, and the people to talk in Spanish with.
Although there are many challenges it is an adventure worth taking. Being uncomfortable is good for growth and learning. Having to fill out my own paper work prepared me for independence. I also got rid of my fear of asking questions. Not only did it mean my hard work paid off but it is also a great achievement to get to college, considering all the difficulties we first generation students face. It is also a motivator to help future first generation students. It's a cliche, but like Cesar Chavez and Dolores Huerta said "Sí se puede!"
