I am not going to lie; I have always cared a great deal about what people thought of me. I love the reaction of knowing that in some way I helped someone, some way they were more content now, if that makes sense. We can all sit here and say that we don’t care, what people think of us but if were being honest we all know that’s not true. When we first meet someone our natural inclination is to judge them, and we do. But it’s this notion of putting everyone else’s needs before your own that gets you into trouble, that puts your own needs on the backburner.

A couple months ago someone told me for the first time in my life I need to learn to be selfish, learn how to put myself first. I laughed at the thought because the world’s problems are mine, that’s just how I operate. I am a fixer, a helper, and there was no way I could genuinely dedicate all that time to just myself. I was always the first person to make sure that all the people around me were okay, and stopped worrying about how I was truly feeling, and let those feelings just die. The truth is those feelings don’t go away, they just sink deeper and deeper into your mind and plant themselves there.

So when life hit me with the biggest loss I could ever imagine I decided to for the first time in my life, put my own needs before everyone else’s. I decided that it was okay to need people, to not be okay sometimes, and to really allow myself to be vulnerable. What a world this has created for me, and oh the things I am learning about myself. It has been an eye opening experience to say the least, something that truly allowed me to grow as a person. Allowed me to feel all of my feelings, to think all my thoughts, and to just live in the moment as I need to.

Something so beautiful happens when you learn to put your own happiness in your hands and not someone else’s. Meaning you don’t need anyone else to make you happy, you can be perfectly content yourself. This is not to depress the insane amounts of joy that come from family and friends, but you, yes you can create that joy all by yourself. Take time for yourself, love yourself, because at the end of the day when you lay down at night you need to be able to do that. You have all the control, you have all the power, do good, love lots, and live so incredibly happily.