Being a full-time college student is hard. You have to show up to class, do homework, study for exams, along with extracurriculars, hopefully hang out with friends every so often, grocery shop, and prepare meals, all while somehow getting at least some sleep. With that, those who either have not been to college or haven’t been in a long time sometimes do not understand the student struggle.

How many units are you taking this quarter/semester? Probably at least 12 to get financial aid, and perhaps above 14 in order to be “on track for graduation,” whatever that means, am I right? Your parents might call you and say, “Hey sweetie, what are you up to today?” You try to calmly reply with, “Oh, just a few classes and then studying and eating with some friends; what about you?” They will proceed to just tell you everything about their lives when really you’re probably dying inside. What you really want to say is, “Well, my head hurts, I have a cough, I’m continuously tired, pretty hungry, but I need to go to class, then I have a meeting, then I need to complete this assignment…” but they probably still won’t understand what you are going through.

Many parents miss their children when they go away to college—understandable. However, they expect them to come home often. With that, when you actually are home, they want you to only do family-related things like wake up early and go grocery shopping with them or run other errands with them. They want you to go out to eat with them and go to the movies… but do you have the time? Probably not. Realistically you are probably sitting at the dining room table or locked up in your room trying to focus and study. Especially on the quarter system, you cherish any time you can get from studying. Not only do you have very limited time, but life happens, which can cut into your study time too. Your at-home-friends and family may not get this—they’ll say things like, “Did you not study during the week?” or “Wow, how have you not completed that yet?"

There just isn’t enough time. Even in lectures professors will say, “Ahh, the UC system, where everyone is behind.” Not only are students falling behind in classes, using weekends to catch up, but professors are falling behind too—there just aren’t enough meeting times and structure in order to teach everything to you in the time allotted.

Let’s not get started on academic success—but actually, let’s talk about it. When you aren’t doing well in classes, drop a class, or completely fail a class, it’s shocking not only to yourself, but to your family. Your friends and family then perceive that as though you’re goofing off and not actually paying attention in class. They don’t think, “Oh, that class must have been really difficult,” or, “Hey, maybe my child is going through something emotional right now.” Sometimes they will blame you for your own “failures” and proceed to compare you to others who are being “successful” in school. They just don’t get it.

Don’t be completely mad at them, though. They just don’t really understand, because this is your experience. However, I do hope they give you comfort and love while you complete this difficult time in your life. I hope that eventually, though, they do somewhat understand what you are going through. It really does help to have someone understand your struggle.