If only I had made more friends. If only I had studied more for that final. If only I hadn’t gotten in that fight. If only I had told him how I really feel. If only I had taken that opportunity. If only I had gotten that job. If only I didn’t gain all that wait. If only, if only, if only. These seemingly innocent two words hold an inherent danger to our ability to lead a fulfilling life.
The phrase expresses a strong desire that things would be different. It shows an inherent dissatisfaction with the way things are. It breeds discontentment with the current state of affairs because it looks back on the things we can’t change. To say “if only” doesn’t focus on being satisfied with the good things in life. Rather, it reminds us of past failures and current unhappiness.
If we focus on the “if only” in our life, then we will never find healing from past. I know that we all have regrets. We all have things about ourselves that we wish we could change. But I know from personal experience that dwelling on these failures will never bring the healing I long for.
We all have regrets and we all worry about the stupid decisions we have made. We have made mistakes, and we will continue to make mistakes in the future. That’s just an unfortunate part of living in a sinful, fallen world.
But our past mistakes should not hold us in a state of guilt forever. Every mistake we make is an opportunity for a new beginning. We have to remember that we can’t change the past. What happened can never be changed. The past can’t be altered, no matter how much we wish it could. However, the future is a blank slate. We can’t change what has already happened, but we can change our actions going forward. But nothing will change if we stay stuck in the past.
We can’t afford to label ourselves with negative beliefs about our past mistakes. The “would haves,” “could haves” and “should haves” aren’t helpful or healthy. We can’t stay stuck in the rut of our past mistakes. We can acknowledge when we mess up, and become stronger as a result. When we are knocked down, we can get back up and move forward as a more mature version of ourselves.
When we focus on the things we can control instead of the unchangeable past, we will be stronger in the face of adversities. The trials will come and the mistakes will be made. But we can emerge from these challenges and keep moving forward.
It’s time to break out of the prison of regret and live our lives. It’s time to stop saying “if only” and start saying “what next?”
“Now that my past is erased
I feel the healing
I found the meaning of grace;
I’m not what I have done
I’m what I’ve overcome” – F.F.
