The temptation to tell someone a secret can be great. It can feel exciting to let someone join you in knowing something that not many people know. It can be a way of showing trust or a greater sense of friendship. For people who may be in a new environment, it can feel like a good way to become closer with others around them. But, just because this can seem like a positive experience to you and the other person, it usually is not. If it is your own secret - do with it as you will. But when it is someone else's, it is a different story.
No matter what the piece of information pertaining to the other person is, telling others about it can be very damaging to that person. And if it is something that turns out to be false, or just a rumor, then it is even worse. The problem with the words you speak to others is that they cannot be retracted as easily as you may think. An old proverb compares spreading a rumor to letting feathers loose in the wind. The feathers will catch the wind and naturally disperse and are hard to control and nearly impossible to stop. This is what can happen with telling another person's secrets or spreading rumors.
Even after you've done damage control and tried to take back what you said, the thought remains in people's minds and can color their opinions of the victim moving forward no matter what. This is what can be so harmful.
The truth is, speaking about someone behind their back is one of the most distrustful acts you could perform. As you may think you are building a greater trust in the person you tell, you are destroying the trust with the victim. Just because they are not there, does not mean they will not find out that you did this. Word gets around, as you have already proved by talking about them!
This is the classic "what goes around comes around" idea and symbolic of another very important rule: Do unto others as you'd want them to do to you. The Golden Rule, as many call it. Would you want your friend to speak about you behind your back? How would it make you feel? It saddens me that, in college, this is still a largely noticeable problem. Although, I think many people would argue it is visible at all ages and places. I, myself, have been on the wrong end of this exchange, as well as someone who has perpetuated rumors or shared secrets, and I own up to that. My best option is to do my best moving forward to change how I approach these kinds of conversations.
This problem is common. Everyone struggles with keeping information to themselves or not getting caught up in spreading rumors. For many, it can just happen naturally without a second thought. But next time you catch yourself talking about someone who is not present, STOP. Ask yourself if what you are saying, and what the others around you are saying, is kind. If not, then change the topic and drop a hint to the others that maybe what you are talking about isn't so considerate. This simple remedy can help loads in terms of keeping a strong trust between you and your friends.
