Seeking treatment for my mental illness was one of the most difficult things I have experienced in my adult life. I've had problems with depression and anxiety on and off since I was a junior in high school. In 2015, I went through my worst bout of depression yet. Tasks like leaving my bed, eating, sleeping were no longer possible for me. I was lifeless by the time October hit. Even my family, who were 300 miles away, could hear it on the phone. I was prescribed an anti-depressant via Boe House (on campus counseling center at St. Olaf College). After taking it for two weeks, the side effects had taken a bigger toll on my body than the supposed benefits, so I stopped taking that and plummeted even deeper into my depression.

Here's where the money comes in: I have none. That being said, I was nervous that if I took an academic leave that I would not be able to get the financial aid I needed to come back and continue. It wasn't something that I was willing to give up, but I knew if I stayed on campus in this condition that I would undoubtedly fail all of my classes and be dismissed from St. Olaf. I wasn't ready for that either. My family and I decided that taking and academic leave until 2nd Semester would be the best option.

That Thanksgiving I came home to Chicago. I have insurance under the State of Illinois' Medicaid because... I have no money for insurance. I was to re-enroll for Medicaid in October which I did. What I didn't know is that it could take up to 90 days-- Yup, you read that right 90 DAYS to be processed. Meaning that I would be without insurance for 90 DAYS. One would assume that something like that would be a disclaimer or be mailed in to tell you something of that much importance. How did I find this out? I went to the hospital to seek help. They came back to tell me that I had no insurance. Needless to say, I left the hospital with no treatment and a lecture on why I was depressed which will be released at a later time.

The only way to fix this was the going to the local aid office. We sat in there for 3 hours to be told that I could only use the aid office that I applied for my Medicaid in. This baffled me. I could use my Google Drive account on almost any computer and see my files on it, but the aid offices couldn't pull up cases from other aid offices? Why was it so disorganized and unconnected. It seemed counterproductive. Well, needless to say, I was discouraged. I was ready to give up. My family wouldn't let me, so to another aid office I went. There, I was told about this 90 DAY waiting period.

My mom and I were both shocked to hear how long it took to process someone who was already in the system. However, I am extremely thankful to the social worker who put me through a rushed processing which helped my insurance be re-instated in the first week of January. At this point, I was in a time sensitive situation. I needed to be back on campus by February, and I had no idea how long treatment would take. I went to what was listed as my primary hospital where I was told that they no longer took my form of insurance.

Now, I was really ready to just wallow in the dark pit I'd been stuck in for so long. Suicidal thoughts were already frequent but at this point, it was all I could think about. I was finally able to go to a hospital that took my insurance and was admitted to the psychiatric ward for 5 days. Honestly, I was able to find medication to treat my depression and anxiety. If it wasn't for family and friends, I'm not sure I would still be alive today.

I'm not writing this so people can have pity on me. I'm writing this to highlight why so many people living with low-incomes don't seek help for mental illnesses. I'm writing this so people can understand that $392 billion that goes to programs such as Medicaid is either not enough or not spent correctly. I'm writing this to show how difficult it is to get the system to work.

It has already been recognized that poverty and mental illness have a correlation. In fact, 8.7 percent of people classified as low-income suffer from mental illness. This no other income has percentages that high. The problem persists if people can't work because of their mental illness. As a result, they can't afford insurance to get treatment.

If my experience was this difficult with a slew of people supporting me and urging me on, I can't help but think about the others who don't have support to push them, to help them. Suffering from mental illness while being below the poverty threshold in the United States should not be a double-edged sword that it is. This story could have ended a lot worse. The real problem is that most stories like mine end worse.

For more info, check out the following links:

Mental Illness Is A Much Bigger Problem For The Poor, New Study Shows

Policy Basics: Where Do Our Federal Tax Dollars Go?