With season 4 of "Orange is the New Black" premiering in a little over four months on June 17, 2016, I thought I'd try to explain the Caf with a little help from OITNB. The inmates of "Orange is the New Black" tell it how it is and can explain the Caf much better than I can.
1. There will always be pizza.
Every single day when you walk into the Caf, you're guaranteed to find at least two different types of pizza. If you're picky and weird like me, they even serve alternative pizza like chicken alfredo sometimes, which is delicious!
2. It can get pretty crowded.
Thinking about getting lunch at noon? Think again. If you're anything like Red, I suggest you find another time to eat. That is the most crowded time of all and the chances of finding a seat are slim to none.
3. Ice cream.
Two flavors of ice cream daily and tons of toppings including Oreo cookies, toffee, M&M's, sprinkles and more. Plus, they even have non-dairy options such as strawberry sorbet or even mango. Yum!
4. You will be disappointed on a regular basis.
Some days there really isn't much you can eat because your cafeteria decides to serve something bizarre like shark. You honestly should've just made some ramen...
5. When in doubt, eat the sandwich or salad bar.
It's great at first, but they always run out of bread and it gets old real quick -- trust me. And nobody makes grilled cheese like my dad does.
6. The surprise of burgers and fries make you so happy you could cry.
But, remember red meat and starches in small portions. Don't go too crazy. Burger and fry day will come again, and when it does, your self-control will be tested yet again.
7. The waffle bar.
You can make your own waffles with chocolate chips inside it, a mountain of whipped cream sprayed on top, and chocolate sauce drizzled on top of that.
8. You become an inventor to survive Caf food.
The Caf food is the devil, but luckily your angelic invention skills can transform even the worst food into something delicious.
9. Mashed potatoes make up for the bad days.
Potatoes! Like Piper said, this is good, very good! So good that you sneak some out in an ice cream cup.
10. Donut hole bar with bags to take home donuts for the week.
Donuts light a fire inside me and help me get through the week. You can even pick your poison: powdered sugar, cinnamon sugar, plain, etc.
11. Wing Wednesdays are great days.
The caf literally transforms into Buffalo Wild Wings or Hooters. They also have this teriyaki sauce that is to die for.
12. Mystery meat.
13. It may sound bad, but at least we have food to eat.
