You've read the clickbait. "The Me Generation," "Can Millennials Survive In The Real World?" and my personal favorite: "Do Millennials Know How To Date?" Narcissism, laziness, untimeliness, disobedience, superficial idolization... the previous generations have some serious dirty laundry to air with us. And we find our peers parroting the same information without sympathy (even though it's very clear we don't hate leaders - we hate "because I said so").

These questions speak to kernels of reality, which is why the criticism is hard to deny. There is an awkwardness, a distance in friendships and relationships that we do not see reflected from earlier generations -- at least, from our point of view. We feel like we have it really bad, but at the same time, feel entitled to certain degrees of a good life. Millennials have various coping mechanisms, one of which we will employ throughout this admittedly stressful topic -- looking at cute animals on the internet.

I know THIS little guy understands the plight of the millennial generation.

But what if instead of pointing out our shortcomings, we analyzed what is behind them? All generations previous have reacted to the zeitgeist of our time -- protests, music trends, patterns even in education and government can be analyzed, and often we find the root is the temperature of our society.

PROMISES, PROMISES, PROMISES

Let's look at this with clear eyes. The fact that in our current decade there will be an additional 19 million college graduates, yet fewer than 7 million jobs requiring a degree, is a problem. Millennials are told that hard work can ensure a future, and contrary to popular belief, we do indeed work hard and achieve great things -- against unfair school systems, through abuse and mental illness, through standardized testing and unholy stacks of homework.

But it’s OK! Look at what a talented chef this hedgehog is!

Those who succeeded, then succeeded again in secondary schooling are being punished, not rewarded. Student loan debt reached a record $1 trillion in 2011 -- and it's higher now, since that was five years ago. The college guarantee is, honestly, a lie. The competition is too fierce, and not enough jobs exist for the amount of people vying for them.

The instability of the job and housing market is a significant contributor to the every day stress and depression of millennials, and there is data to support that. To make matters worse (because why would the world as we know it stop there), wages are falling at alarming rates, which becomes obvious once you adjust for inflation.

I know that was upsetting. But here is a tiny octopus.

CAN'T PULL THOSE BOOTSTRAPS -- IT'S VELCRO.

Some say that millennials are helpless, relentlessly helicopter-parented and unable to find direction. This is a criticism I am inclined to somewhat agree with. We live in a world where sensationalist media scares our parents into thinking that danger is around every corner, and while that may not be necessarily incorrect, people with overbearing parents are often shielded from the consequences that real life offers in order to teach us. These natural bumps teach us skills of survival and endurance, and also let us know that no matter how dark a situation may seem, that panicking won't solve it -- and that it's not the end of the world.

We are forcibly shielded from failure, heartbreak, the knowledge that we may be average or not special, and most of all we are shielded from feeling like things aren't going to be okay. This expresses itself by parents not letting their children try new things, parents inserting themselves inappropriately into their lives and ignoring their autonomy as separate beings.

You can infer how psychologically damaging being thrown into a 'real world' situation can be after so many responsibilities and lessons were robbed from you in childhood--and who has parents who have enough time and energy to go to a full time job and teach valuable life lessons?

But what’s REALLY psychologically damaging is how darn cute these two buggers are!
It’s so frustrating. I am crying right now.

AND IT HURTS IN THE HEAD, TOO

Nowadays, there are well known studies which say that millennials have higher rates of anxiety and depression (and along with them claims of higher rates of psychopathy, which have no data basis). Unfortunately, this information is used to further blame us and our lifestyle, instead of looking at the society we grew up in and had virtually no control over. A teenager didn't invent Facebook, nor did they singlehandedly over-market the iPhone.

Millennials are sensitive. To suffering, to minor inconveniences, to bad words, sure. But how sensitive are we to police brutality? How sensitive are we to matters of discrimination, cruelty and bullying? Mitch Prinstein, a psychologist at the University of North Carolina, offers that "Millennials are not under-prepared. They are just differently prepared." We are a generation emphasizing emotional intelligence and protection, fluency in discussion of mental illness and openness about how much things suck. We refuse to blame ourselves for a world we had no say in building.

Do not fret! Billy here is comin’ in for that hug!

To be constantly over-exposed on social media, yet sheltered in real life, causes a lopsided development. Inexperience with real life problem solving and critical thinking is common, yet, most millennials know how to talk someone down from suicide by the time they finish high school. It's funny--people will insist that social media is the death of friendship and true togetherness, but many people find solace, support and even love in online interaction when they can't find it anywhere else.

BUT WHY DO I FEEL SO ALONE?

In more "traditional" times (read: times when gender inequality, poverty, child labor, racism and genocide were more overt and more common), people were often forced into close quarters. Struggle requires the safety of a group. A family with many siblings will make more money, get more chores done and have more support than a nuclear only-child setup.

Though it's clearly not a cultural ideal, a big, tightly knit family has been proven many times to be the secret to happiness. Never being truly alone eases the mind in an evolutionary and psychological way that nothing else can imitate. From a mental health perspective, surrounding yourself with people who care about you and who are striving to survive with you has nothing but positive effects.

We have shifted our values as a society from a group effort to an individualistic society, clawing for the highest position, the most resources and the best life. Capitalism encourages us to gorge ourselves on materialistic goods which may provide function and temporary happiness, and it has also placed a new value called 'social capital' -- or the benefits of being popular and famous. People are more worried about what they look like more than ever, which is a big part of the spike in depression. And on top of that, in aiming for that money and that fame, we lose sleep, which is arguably the most critical aspect of overall human happiness and functionality.

This is called a quoll, and studies show it can shield you from the superficial vibes of modern society.

WHAT CAN I DO?

Who knows. If there was a simple answer, we would all already be there. Perhaps we should try to disengage from the material goods we have such attachments to. Perhaps we should try to call people on the phone more often, or at the very least text them and tell them we love them instead of small talk. Perhaps we should all be eating a serving of avocado a day--this is the real mystery, the fact that no one agrees on how to ‘fix us’.

All I ask with this article is to stop the blame. Millennials are not responsible for half of the situations which breed our various shortcomings. We do not view ourselves as perfect, which is why we so readily hate ourselves and our generation at the criticism of those before us. When you tell us we are ineffective, lazy and selfish, we say, "you're right. I guess I'll just eat more pizza and fall asleep for 12 hours."

To whose benefit do we slander ourselves? To whose benefit do we ignore the accomplishments of our generation, our unparalleled capacity to care, and our incredible resilience at the hands of a deteriorating economy? I say, to no one's.

And one last baby sloth to see you off. Have a slow day!