Breakups suck. After you’ve become accustomed to that special person being a part of your life every day, it can be extremely painful to try to swallow the fact that they are no longer yours. A lot of the time you are left trying to understand where you went wrong, what is wrong with you, or why you had to end your relationship. No matter the reason for the break up, it’s hardly ever a quick or easy recovery.
Although there are some negatives associated with a break up, not only are those temporary, but there are many positives that come along with being single at this stage of life.
First and foremost, there is a lot to learn from past relationships and breakups. You can gain something from every experience in life, so it’s important to reflect on what happened. After a failed relationship, you realize what you liked and what you didn’t like so much. You have a better idea of how you would like to be treated versus how you should not be treated. A lot of people learn that they can’t expect someone to be more than what they are—a person. People are who they are, and they aren’t going to change. It’s a valuable lesson to learn that you shouldn’t settle for less just because you think they can be better. They won’t. One of the hardest things that people come to realize is that no one cultivates happiness from someone else. You are in control of your happiness, and that happiness comes from within yourself. You cannot rely on someone else for that. Oftentimes when we look back on a relationship it just makes us angry or regretful on what we didn’t do or what a waste of time it was, but at the end of the day, there is a lesson to take away from everything.
Friends. After a relationship ends, we often realize that we have kicked people to the curb that were once a part of our everyday life. No one does it on purpose, but when people get in a relationship, sometimes they get so carried away with all the “love” that they forget about who was there before the relationship. And if they’re a true friend, they should be there for you afterward even though you kind of messed up. Anyway, being single allows you to truly appreciate the friendships that you have—and it’s easier to make new ones.
Even though it sounds cheesy and cliché, college really is a great place to discover who you are. College is filled with new people, new opinions, new mindsets, and endless opportunities that are waiting for you to take advantage of them. Being on your own allows you to reset your focus to yourself. It’s all about you. No longer are you responsible for someone else, and no longer do you have to answer to anyone. Having this allows you to get to know yourself better by allowing you to take up any endeavor that seems to spark your interest. Getting better in touch with yourself allows you to feel more comfortable in your skin because you start to feel that you know who you are—without someone else. You realize that you are your own person, and it brings a strong sense of confidence. It’s extremely important to be genuinely happy with yourself before you are with someone else, and a lot of times people realize that they weren’t happy with themselves independent of the relationship they were in. Although it can be a harsh wake-up call, sometimes a break up is exactly what we need to realize that we need to work on ourselves for some time.
My last relationship was probably one of the most difficult things to make peace with because I strongly valued the person I was with. It was a struggle, but now I feel so much better about everything in my life. Making peace with the past not only allows you to move forward and find happiness and meaning in other places, but it also makes it possible to be friends with your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend (eventually). Although it can be extremely painful and scary to let go of someone as your boyfriend/girlfriend, it can open many doors to new friends, endeavors and happiness. Don’t allow the weight of a failed or failing relationship to drown you—there are positives to moving forward, I promise.
