Dear Boy Who Wants to Love Me,
I can't help but notice the way that you look at me; you take the longest pauses during a conversation so that you can scan my face making sure you get every ounce of emotion out of it. You focus on every section of my face, taking a mental picture of what I look like at the moment. You hold me longer than expected when you get ready to leave while squeezing me as if it's the last hug that you will ever give me. You pull away and stare at my face one last time making sure you didn't miss anything and kiss me before you exit for good leaving me standing there longing for the next encounter that we have. I have not felt like this in a long time; the feeling of officially being liked for who I am as an overall person and appreciated for the little things that I do. Even though this feeling is amazing I am scared out of my mind that every time you walk out that door it may very well be the last time.
I never want to think negatively when I find myself liking someone new, but I can't help myself when every other relationship that I have had ended because of untrustworthiness or a lack of respect for my feelings. I want to picture us riding off into the sunset together, I want to picture a life with you, and I promise I want to fall for you, but it's hard to fall for someone if there is a possibility that you won't get caught. My insecurities within relationships stem from me trusting people that did not deserve to be trusted. They stem from me giving 100 percent and only getting 65 percent in return. I have loved with my entire heart only to have someone love me with half or a fourth of theirs.
Seeing you and knowing how you feel about me is scary because it always starts out with rainbows and butterflies in the beginning. Hugs are longer, kisses are sweeter, and you are watching someone fall completely head over heels in love with you. It's not until the relationship gets hard or hits some sort of rough patch that the hugs get shorter, kisses are sour, and you start to watch someone fall out of love with you. Watching someone fall out of love with you is painful, so having the strength to enter into something new is something that I am trying to prepare myself for.
Keep being you, keep being a positive influence on my life, keep pushing me and making me achieve my dreams. You have been nothing but a blessing since you have entered my life; you are making me want to strive for more just by you being the amazing person that you are. I am grateful to have you around because I know and everyone else around me knows that you are beneficial to my life. It is going to take me some time to get used to what we have going on at the moment, but I can tell you that I think this can turn into something beautiful. I am pushing my insecurities aside for you because I see nothing but great things coming from what is happening right now.
Love,
The Girl You Want to Love
