It's far from easy to watch the person you loved turn their back and walk away from you. For four years, we tried to make it work some way or another. But there was always a someone or something getting in the way. But something was also pulling us right back together. I don’t know what it is, and I wish I did because it would make my heart and my shoulders a lot less heavy.
Even though you walked away, I still love you. But even though I love you, it doesn’t mean I’m not tired of you. I’m tired of all our problems being my fault. I’m tired of always being the one to apologize even when I’m clearly not wrong. But most of all, I’m tired of you thinking its OK to walk out of my life and stroll back in when you please. So the last time you walked away, I had no choice but to do exactly the same. Letting go is never easy, and to let go of someone you love so dearly makes it that much harder. I had no choice and no options left.
Its hard for me; it's hard to see you smile and know I’m not the reason. The last time you left, you didn’t just leave me broken-hearted—you left me heartless. You actually took my heart with you when you walked out of the door. Giving you up isn’t because I want to but because I have to. Every time I let you back in my life, you’d tell me you loved me, but a word starts to lose meaning after a little while. And I’ve come to the realization you don’t love me like I loved you, and that’s OK. What’s not OK is as soon as someone new came into my life, you followed right behind them. And when that situation arose, you became the person I always wished you were. You were caring and loving and acted as if you’d give me the world. But it was a game, a game that I was reluctant to play, because you’d say everything I’d want to hear because you know what I wanted, and you used my own weaknesses against me.
But at the end of the day, I thank you. Thank you for teaching me it's OK to be on my own. That when someone breaks your heart into pieces, it can be fixed even though you’re by yourself. You made me realize that I should’ve left the first time you walked away. There’s a fire that burns deep between us, and its one that we’ve both tried to put out time and time again. I think this time I figured out why it's been so hard to put out. You left me with unanswered questions and unanswered reasons for leaving, which is why I long for you. It's why I long for the love I know I deserve.
This time will be the last time because I finally, after four years, realized I deserve more. Hell, you deserve more than the games we’ve been playing. This is not only a goodbye but a thank you for leaving me and without knowing it, forcing me to realize I’m OK with you walking away.
Love Always,
The girl no longer standing behind you
