I have never been the girl who has needed a guy. In fact, I have always been the girl who has been single. While all of my friends were interested in boys and homecoming dates, I was busy acing tests and practicing my swing. Sure I always thought it would be nice to be in a relationship and do all of those cute couple-y things. It just wasn’t the time for me, so I patiently waited for God to send me a great man. Little did I know, you weren’t him.
The first time we met, you would have been the last person I had thought about dating. You were a few years older, I was a freshman in college with little time for anything. Not to mention, I was “talking” to one of your close friends, but as a year and a half went by, we hung out one night just me, you, and the guys. I realized you were good. Not just good looking, or good with the lines, but good hearted and well mannered. You knew how to be a gentleman, but also knew how to kid and joke around. Most of all, you attended church and you loved Jesus. You met every standard I had for a significant other.
Looking back now, I wonder how I could have been so oblivious to the signs that you were not ready for the commitment I needed. I now see the times a song would come on and you would say, “This reminds me of my ex.” Or the times you would read my texts and would only respond if you were bored. I cannot believe I was so stupid, but I still tried. I knew you were going through a lot and I am a people fixer. I fix people, no matter the harm it does to me.
I knew your ex had done a number on you. She cheated and deceived. I knew you deserved better, and I knew I could be the woman who could give you better. You obviously did not see that. You decided you wanted to fix things; you owed it to your relationship with her. So, I gave up and decided I would wait. Until you were ready, until something happened. Not that I hoped something would. I would never want you to be hurt, but I would be there for you if needed.
Turns out something did happen and there you came. You were texting me and telling me that she once again had betrayed you. I did not want to say, “I told you so,” but I knew this would happen. As I look back at my desperation, I wanted you to turn to me. Lean on me. I could help you mend a broken heart, start a friendship, show you the qualities you should look for in a woman. Because maybe somehow you would see that I was ready to open up and be vulnerable with you. I was ready to be your friend, and maybe someday, something more. But you chose wrong. You chose her.
You chose to hang out with her on the same day we did. You chose to ignore me whenever she came back into the picture. You chose her. Not me. While it may seem self-absorbed to hold myself in the light I do (loving, better, whatnot), I truly believe in this situation, I was. I was the right choice, the better choice. You chose her. You chose the love you thought you deserved instead of giving something possibly better a chance. But I thank you for that. You made me find my own self-worth. You made me realize that I deserve better. I deserve someone to be just as invested in me as I am in them. I did not deserve you. I deserved better. But that is okay and I understand.
So, to the boy who chose wrong, thank you. Now I’ll know what to look for in the man who will choose right and I cannot wait.
