Open Letter To Someone I Love

An Open Letter To The Boy I Couldn't Love But Did Anyways

I hope this letter one day finds you well, D.


When I met you, I knew there was something about you that was special. You were probably the billionth guy I've crushed on but you somehow made a big impact in my life. Every time I was around you, you would make my heart beat so fast yet I always felt comfortable around you. I was always my weird self and I didn't have to change anything about myself to impress you. You appreciated the fact that I was genuine and was apparently you saw me as a really "amazing person".

And like you once confessed to me at 1 AM, I also felt like I have known you my whole life.

You made me laugh, cry, even hate you at times, but the worst thing you did was make me love you.

You were about to leave to serve our country and moved to California to start fresh prior to leaving. You didn't need my validation for this journey you were about to embark on but I know you wanted me to support you. I did support you and still do. You're following your dreams and that is the best thing you could do for yourself.

You leaving to follow your dreams did not hurt me as much as you hurt me by not saying goodbye before leaving.

Not getting a farewell as you were leaving to chase your dreams felt like I didn't matter. That I was no one of importance to your life. I was just another person passing by.

I didn't want you to risk your career for me, wait for me until you came back, nor was I gonna do the same because I understood that the timing was bad for both of us but all I wanted was a simple goodbye.

All I wanted was to see you one last time until you would come back home just in a few years. I wanted to remain friends and to see you when you came to visit and I prayed that things would be like old times.

You told others that you would miss me once you would leave and after all of this, I don't think that you meant it whatsoever.

You also told others that you didn't want to hurt me by trying to pursue something further than the great friendship we had, yet you hurt me so much.

I didn't want to tell you that I had feelings for you because I did not want to ruin that friendship we had because I figured that I would get over you but you made me fall hard for you, which made it harder to get over you.

I wanted you in my life for good and I did not wanna risk losing you if we began dating. I didn't care if you liked me back in a romantic way or not because all I cared is being in your life.

I could tell you had a hunch about me liking you and on Valentine's Day, two months prior your departure, you found out thanks to our gossipy coworkers.

Valentine's Day was also the last time you gave me a hug and we had a lengthy conversation. After that day, you grew distant and I did everything I could to avoid that. I tried to make plans with you but you'd always make an excuse on why you couldn't make it.

Even the day before you left, I tried making plans to get coffee with you but all you did was ignore my text. I stupidly cried the next day because I knew you were gone.

I remember that day so well and it haunts me here and there. It was during finals week and I had a presentation to do that day, which was hard to do when you were all I could think about. My mind was filled with things I thought I did wrong to push you away before you left. I was a massive emotional mess but after hours of crying, I pulled myself together and managed to get an A on that presentation.

It's been almost two years since I last saw you and if I saw you today, I don't know what I would do or say. So here's this letter I was too scared to send you while you were in training. I hope one day we can be friends again but in the meantime, I hope this letter finds you well.

EDIT: On December 24, 2018, I finally saw you for the first time after almost two years. I was having Christmas Eve breakfast with my family and little did I expect you to be in the same damn restaurant as me. You sat less than ten feet away from me and I could feel you staring at me. I didn't have the courage to look at you because if I did make eye contact with you, I would have cried. I wanted to talk to you but I didn't have that courage to do so because I wouldn't know where to begin. I wish you had made the effort to say hello but I know we left off in a weird way but I hope there is a next time because I miss your friendship dearly.

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle: Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay.

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.

Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying. What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense. I've heard it all, "He was cute, why didn't you like him?" "You didn't even give him a chance!" "You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous; however, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do. I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well. Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

THIS IS CRUCIAL FOR FINDING A NICE GUY. It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault. If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs." Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him. If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it. He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush. Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling. :)

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Stop Making Instagram Your Only Outlet For Social Activism

Instagram is a great place to spread awareness, but stop confusing your desire for clout with your desire to save the world.


Instagram is, without a doubt, one of my guiltiest pleasures. I often find myself spending way too much time on social media, caught up in the world of likes, filters, and hashtags. On the daily, I scroll through hundreds of selfies, beach pictures, happy birthday posts, and the occasional dog pictures. I am all for posting whatever you want on your Instagram account and personally hate the so-called "rules" that govern how we use social media.

Just as the use of Instagram and other forms of social media keeps growing, so has our generation's awareness of social issues. Everywhere I go, I get reminded of the issues our world is facing. Whether it be plastic, global warming, poverty, animal rights, etc., it is clear that our generation wants to see a change. Even though this is amazing, recently I've noticed that so many people my age are confusing the true desire to spread social awareness with the desire to make their Instagram account look better.

A few months ago on Earth Day, my Instagram feed was flooded with pictures of nature. Almost all of these pictures were of girls at the beach, or hiking with their friends, or even taken from the window of an airplane. While the idea of posting about how much you love the Earth and want to save it is a harmless idea, it does nothing to actually save the planet.

I fully support posting a picture of yourself at the beach, and showing off your confidence, but don't post it on Earth Day, pretending it's the ocean behind you that you care about. If you really want to save the Earth and make a difference, posting a yearly Earth Day picture of yourself is not the way to do it. Wanting likes and clout on social media is a part of how today's generation values themselves and each other, but thinking that this is actually promoting any form of social justice is plain wrong.

More recently, videos of baby calves being taken away from their mothers (highlighting the truth behind the dairy industry) have been flooding my social media feed. These videos are heartbreaking, and I am sure that the people posting them truly think they are horrific as well. Posting this type of content is a great way to spread initial awareness, but don't let it be your only outlet for promoting justice for the things you care about.

Social media keeps our world extremely interconnected, and without it, awareness of many of the problems our world is facing wouldn't reach nearly as far as it does. I'm not saying that using Instagram to spread awareness is a bad idea, I'm just saying that it shouldn't be your only outlet for doing so.

If you hate how much plastic our world consumes, go around to local stores and restaurants and ask them to cut their use of plastic. If you hate how the dairy industry treats cows, become a vegan. Promoting awareness while not actually doing anything to change the issues at hand is useless. Our generation is so strong and powerful, and we all need to stop hiding behind our desire for Instagram likes and start actually changing the things we care about.

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