An Open Letter To The Boy I Couldn't Love But Did Anyways

An Open Letter To The Boy I Couldn't Love But Did Anyways

I hope this letter one day finds you well, D.

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When I met you, I knew there was something about you that was special. You were probably the billionth guy I've crushed on but you somehow made a big impact in my life. Every time I was around you, you would make my heart beat so fast yet I always felt comfortable around you. I was always my weird self and I didn't have to change anything about myself to impress you. You appreciated the fact that I was genuine and was apparently you saw me as a really "amazing person".

And like you once confessed to me at 1 AM, I also felt like I have known you my whole life.

You made me laugh, cry, even hate you at times, but the worst thing you did was make me love you.

You were about to leave to serve our country and moved to California to start fresh prior to leaving. You didn't need my validation for this journey you were about to embark on but I know you wanted me to support you. I did support you and still do. You're following your dreams and that is the best thing you could do for yourself.

You leaving to follow your dreams did not hurt me as much as you hurt me by not saying goodbye before leaving.

Not getting a farewell as you were leaving to chase your dreams felt like I didn't matter. That I was no one of importance to your life. I was just another person passing by.

I didn't want you to risk your career for me, wait for me until you came back, nor was I gonna do the same because I understood that the timing was bad for both of us but all I wanted was a simple goodbye.

All I wanted was to see you one last time until you would come back home just in a few years. I wanted to remain friends and to see you when you came to visit and I prayed that things would be like old times.

You told others that you would miss me once you would leave and after all of this, I don't think that you meant it whatsoever.

You also told others that you didn't want to hurt me by trying to pursue something further than the great friendship we had, yet you hurt me so much.

I didn't want to tell you that I had feelings for you because I did not want to ruin that friendship we had because I figured that I would get over you but you made me fall hard for you, which made it harder to get over you.

I wanted you in my life for good and I did not wanna risk losing you if we began dating. I didn't care if you liked me back in a romantic way or not because all I cared is being in your life.

I could tell you had a hunch about me liking you and on Valentine's Day, two months prior your departure, you found out thanks to our gossipy coworkers.

Valentine's Day was also the last time you gave me a hug and we had a lengthy conversation. After that day, you grew distant and I did everything I could to avoid that. I tried to make plans with you but you'd always make an excuse on why you couldn't make it.

Even the day before you left, I tried making plans to get coffee with you but all you did was ignore my text. I stupidly cried the next day because I knew you were gone.

I remember that day so well and it haunts me here and there. It was during finals week and I had a presentation to do that day, which was hard to do when you were all I could think about. My mind was filled with things I thought I did wrong to push you away before you left. I was a massive emotional mess but after hours of crying, I pulled myself together and managed to get an A on that presentation.

It's been almost two years since I last saw you and if I saw you today, I don't know what I would do or say. So here's this letter I was too scared to send you while you were in training. I hope one day we can be friends again but in the meantime, I hope this letter finds you well.

EDIT: On December 24, 2018, I finally saw you for the first time after almost two years. I was having Christmas Eve breakfast with my family and little did I expect you to be in the same damn restaurant as me. You sat less than ten feet away from me and I could feel you staring at me. I didn't have the courage to look at you because if I did make eye contact with you, I would have cried. I wanted to talk to you but I didn't have that courage to do so because I wouldn't know where to begin. I wish you had made the effort to say hello but I know we left off in a weird way but I hope there is a next time because I miss your friendship dearly.

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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I Love Simplicity In Relationships, But Grand Gestures Still Make Me Swoon

There's nothing wrong with loving fancy dinner dates and takeout in your PJs.

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It has come to my attention, as confused as I am by it all, that relationships by society's standards are defined by how fancy your dates are.

If he takes you out, he loves you. If you eat takeout in your sweatpants, he couldn't care less. Is that how this goes?

You realize how ridiculous this sounds, right?

When my boyfriend and I were first beginning our relationship, we, of course, went on dinner dates and had a few drinks. He indulged me and treated me like a princess. That's fine, and I love that on occasion, but let me be the first to say that I'd much rather have us in pajamas eating pizza at 2 AM. I don't need the fancy dates to know he loves me - that is no indication of how we feel for each other.

Now, that's not to say that I don't enjoy the grand gestures he does for me. Slow dancing in his kitchen, buying my morning coffee, or taking me out to dinner is so special.

But I don't need it.

I know he loves me without all that, and I enjoy the simple things we do when we spend time together. From watching The Office to laughing about the day's events and everything in between.

It's not a crime to enjoy both simplicity and grandeur.

It doesn't mean my boyfriend doesn't love me or care for me when we stay in PJs and stuff our faces.

We aren't being "extra" when we go out to dinner or slow dance in his kitchen.

We are simply being us, building a relationship on what we think it should be.

That's enough for me, and it always will be.

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