When I met you, I knew there was something about you that was special. You were probably the billionth guy I've crushed on but you somehow made a big impact in my life. Every time I was around you, you would make my heart beat so fast yet I always felt comfortable around you. I was always my weird self and I didn't have to change anything about myself to impress you. You appreciated the fact that I was genuine and was apparently you saw me as a really "amazing person".
And like you once confessed to me at 1 AM, I also felt like I have known you my whole life.
You made me laugh, cry, even hate you at times, but the worst thing you did was make me love you.
You were about to leave to serve our country and moved to California to start fresh prior to leaving. You didn't need my validation for this journey you were about to embark on but I know you wanted me to support you. I did support you and still do. You're following your dreams and that is the best thing you could do for yourself.
You leaving to follow your dreams did not hurt me as much as you hurt me by not saying goodbye before leaving.
Not getting a farewell as you were leaving to chase your dreams felt like I didn't matter. That I was no one of importance to your life. I was just another person passing by.
I didn't want you to risk your career for me, wait for me until you came back, nor was I gonna do the same because I understood that the timing was bad for both of us but all I wanted was a simple goodbye.
All I wanted was to see you one last time until you would come back home just in a few years. I wanted to remain friends and to see you when you came to visit and I prayed that things would be like old times.
You told others that you would miss me once you would leave and after all of this, I don't think that you meant it whatsoever.
You also told others that you didn't want to hurt me by trying to pursue something further than the great friendship we had, yet you hurt me so much.
I didn't want to tell you that I had feelings for you because I did not want to ruin that friendship we had because I figured that I would get over you but you made me fall hard for you, which made it harder to get over you.
I wanted you in my life for good and I did not wanna risk losing you if we began dating. I didn't care if you liked me back in a romantic way or not because all I cared is being in your life.
I could tell you had a hunch about me liking you and on Valentine's Day, two months prior your departure, you found out thanks to our gossipy coworkers.
Valentine's Day was also the last time you gave me a hug and we had a lengthy conversation. After that day, you grew distant and I did everything I could to avoid that. I tried to make plans with you but you'd always make an excuse on why you couldn't make it.
Even the day before you left, I tried making plans to get coffee with you but all you did was ignore my text. I stupidly cried the next day because I knew you were gone.
I remember that day so well and it haunts me here and there. It was during finals week and I had a presentation to do that day, which was hard to do when you were all I could think about. My mind was filled with things I thought I did wrong to push you away before you left. I was a massive emotional mess but after hours of crying, I pulled myself together and managed to get an A on that presentation.
It's been almost two years since I last saw you and if I saw you today, I don't know what I would do or say. So here's this letter I was too scared to send you while you were in training. I hope one day we can be friends again but in the meantime, I hope this letter finds you well.
EDIT: On December 24, 2018, I finally saw you for the first time after almost two years. I was having Christmas Eve breakfast with my family and little did I expect you to be in the same damn restaurant as me. You sat less than ten feet away from me and I could feel you staring at me. I didn't have the courage to look at you because if I did make eye contact with you, I would have cried. I wanted to talk to you but I didn't have that courage to do so because I wouldn't know where to begin. I wish you had made the effort to say hello but I know we left off in a weird way but I hope there is a next time because I miss your friendship dearly.