As part of a communications class, we were asked to write a blog about the importance of nonverbal communication in a romantic relationship. Due to events outside of the class’s control, it was one of the hardest posts I have ever had to write, as you may soon see. Of course, this was taken at one point of view, and so much of what follows comes from my limited understanding of relationships. You may find, however, that it could apply to non-romantic relationships as well.
“When you begin to find feelings for someone, you seek to hang around them more often, and they may usually notice this as well, whether they mention it to you or show their approval in enjoying your presence in their lives. As you hang out with each other, you show your support of them and are more attentive, absorbing every word they say. You then try to form a response that is ultimately appropriate and may also get them to become more attracted to you. At this point in time, it can be difficult to be yourself, as you try to be flexible with your morals to make it seem as if you have more in common. However, fighting that challenge shows your honest side to them; they may not agree with everything you say, but as a result, you have a more honest view of each other. By the tone of your voice and the way you interact, you start to discover if they mutually feel attracted to you.
When you have gathered the courage and asked one of the hardest questions in your life, you might begin a romantic relationship. You spend more time together, even meeting each other in new environments, alone, or out in public. As your relationship develops, you continue to carefully use your tone to show support and attentiveness, as you begin to get to know them on a deeper level. When out with friends or on your own separate dates, you sit together, maybe hold hands, and lean on each other’s shoulder, showing to others as subtle or as blatant as you want that you are taken, and you are happy. Then you move into a more committed relationship, and begin to interact on different levels, maybe working on activities together; being more intimate in conversation and contact, or trying new things together. Again, the way you hesitate or how you voice your opinion of the activity lets your partner know what you may enjoy doing more or less. In addition, you still look to show support when they had a bad day of class or work and need someone to talk to. Continuing to be present and available when they need you shows you care for them, and will for them the strength to achieve their goals and overcome obstacles. It seems you are on your way to a long life of happiness with this person.
As the relationship grows deeper, you should always be aware of what’s happening between each other, being careful to stay attentive to each other’s needs. Sometimes, events happen in your lives that cause the circumstances of your bond to change. Maybe one of you goes away for a summer internship, while the other meets new people through an organization that they joined. During the time apart, it becomes most crucial that you maintain a reliable channel of communication so that you can still be there for one another. Missing out on opportunities to talk over Skype, or working on projects late in the evening, or falling asleep before letting the other know what you were doing can put a strain on even the happiest and most established of relationships. If you neglect to get things back on track and give the cues that can surprise or revamp feelings for each other, even the longest and strongest of relationships will begin to break down.
When you finally see each other, the events of the previous separation still weigh heavily on your minds. In addition, attitude and behavioral changes from separate experiences begin to clash, even in the most surprising ways. Tones of voice change; interactions lose their romantic luster and become more like confrontations. While you try to determine ways to begin to fix what was lost, further miscommunication begins to set in, and, if you are unprepared, take over what was once a beautiful thing. At this point, your significant other’s tones and conversations signal that they may want to be on their own, to try and be apart and see how it goes. You see it coming, and yet it comes as a shock when they voice that want to you. At this point, even though you do not want them to leave, you understand from their expression and the fact that you should not control another individual’s life choices, what should be done.
And thus, you let them go. You still show your affection as they avoid seeing you for long periods of time, but the damage has been done. Slowly they drift away from you, talking to you less and less. They decide they now want, as, within a few months, they begin to interact and show their availability to another. The way they talk to each other on social media shows that it is just as real as what you once had. You begin to see them in a different light as if you have gone from a first- to a third-person perspective. As a result, despite both parties’ desire to maintain a friendship, the time it will take to be okay with it may vary, [or it may dissolve completely for a time, which becomes a blessing and a curse]. With this in mind, you are forced to try and move on, but wishing them the best, as you go separate ways to find yourself, before the inevitable moment this small world makes your paths cross again.
In the meantime, it is now time to push aside the negativity that you feel the loss of what you once had. The man upstairs has given you the opportunity to reflect on who you truly are, and see what new friendships and relationships you can make. So you busy yourself with activities you like to do and try and meet new people through your new experiences, staying true to yourself. Exuding as much confidence as you can muster, it is a time to stay positive. You show who you are with your actions and tone, making new friends, and who knows? It may take only weeks, maybe months, maybe years, but there is no doubt you will find someone new is noticing you, or you notice them, and they can make all the difference…
…and maybe, this time, you will avoid the mistakes you made previously, and make your new romantic relationship a long-lasting and memorable one. It may be you, next partner, it may be the third or fourth one beyond, but stay optimistic and hopeful, as only you can control your beautiful life.”
We will see...
