100 Of The Best One-Liners Overheard In Bikini Bottom

100 Of The Best One-Liners Overheard In Bikini Bottom

"Our C A M P F I R E S O N G Song!"

Everyone loves the sponge who lives in a pineapple under the sea and all of his underwater pals.

Now, you can reminisce on all the good laughs Spongebob, Patrick, Squidward, and the gang have brought us for years and years to come.

Spongebob was by far the greatest thing to ever come from our generation. Whether you're a kid, a teenager, an adult, or a senior, Spongebob is a TV show for all ages - even with the sneaky little sexual innuendos, included below.

And before we begin, let's admit it: the Bubble Bowl will forever be better than any halftime show the NFL tries to pull off.

1. [chirp chirp]

"Eh sorry I don't speak Italian."

2. "Excuse me, sir. I hope my horrible ugliness won't be a distraction to you."

3. "That hat makes you look like a girl."

"Am I a pretty girl?"

"Uh.. Well... Um.. You're.. You're beautiful."


5. "Could I get a couple of ice cubes?"

"April Fools!"

"What did you do to my drink!?"

"You asked for a couple of ice cubes in your drink, and I only put in one!"

6. "Punch yourself in the face. Doesn't that hurt you?"

"Do you want it to hurt me, Kevin?"

7. "Is this the Krusty Krab?"

"No this is Patrick."

"Is this the Krusty Krab?"

"No this is Patrick."

"Is this the Krusty Krab?"


8. "Can I be excused for the rest of my life?"

9. "Goodness Lesson Number 1: You see someone drop their wallet. Patrick drop the wallet. Now what would you do?"

"Excuse me, sir. But I do believe you've dropped your wallet."

"Doesn't look familiar to me."

"What? I just saw you drop it. Here."

"Nope it's not mine."

"It is yours, I am trying to be a good person and return it to you."

"Return what to who?"

"Aren't you Patrick Star?"


"And this is your I.D."


"I found this I.D. in this wallet and if that's the case this must be your wallet!"

"That makes sense to me."

"Then take it."

"It's not my wallet."

10. "Now you must acquire a taste for free form jazz."

11. "Can you take hats in a dignified and sophisticated manner?"

"You mean like a weenie? Okay! May I take your hat, sir? May I take your hat, sir? May I.."

"Alright, I've heard enough. You've got the job."

12. "I hate all of you."

13. "Alright pinhead, your time is up."

"Who you callin' pinhead?"

14. "Is mayonnaise an instrument?"

"No Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument."

15. "It's called the 'Ugly Barnacle'. Once there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The End."

16. "You got it set to M for Mini when it should be set to W for Wumbo."

"Patrick I don't think wumbo is a real word."

"Come on, you know, I wumbo, you wumbo, he/she/me wumbo. Wumbo, wumboing, will have he wumbo, wumbo mama. Wumbology, the study of wumbo! It's first grade Spongebob!"

"Patrick, I'm sorry I doubted you."

17. "You may be an open book, Spongebob, but I'm a bit more complicated than that. The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma."

18. "So you mean to say they've taken what we thought we think and make us think we thought our thoughts we've been thinking our thoughts we think we thought, I think?"

19. Congratulations sir. Your Krabby Patty pizza is here!"

"Wow thanks. I've been dying for one of these. Where's my drink?"

"What drink?"

"My drink! My diet Dr. Kelp! Don't tell me you forgot my drink!"

"But you didn't order any.."

"How am I supposed to eat this pizza without my drink?!"

20. "Please, please, quiet! Is this anyway to behave, hmm? Can we show a little decency and form a neat single file line in front of the register?"

21. "So if we play loud, people might think we're good."

22. "Wake me up when I care."

23. "That is the stupidest dance move I've ever seen."

"Who put you on the planet?"


25. "We're on a baby hunt and don't think we don't know how to weeeeddd 'em out."

26. "I defy you heartman!"

27. "9,997. 9,998. 9,999. 10,000! Where's the X? It's supposed to be right here. 10,000 paces East."

"Oh, East? I thought you said Weast."

28. "This is a load of barnacles."

29. "Welcome to the Salty Spitoon, how tough are ya?"

30. "This isn't me millionth dollar. This is an ordinary dollar that's been crumbled up, torn slightly, soaked in the lagoon, and kissed with Coral Blue #2 semigloss lipstick."

31. "HI MAILMAN! Okay see you tomorrow!"

32. "I've soiled the good Krusty Krab name! SOILED IT! SOILED IT! SOILED IT!"


33. "Oh, please. I have no soul."

34. "OH BOY, 3 A.M!"

35. "The Krusty Krab pizza is the pizza absolute-tively!"

36. "Okay Spongebob, you can be Dirty Dan. I just wanna be Patrick."

37. "Win this one because I told ya to."

38. "Sorry Patrick, but the door is slippery. It's frozen shut!"

"Let me have a try. OPEN SESAME! Well I've done all I can do."

39. "Don't be intimidated Squidward – try to imagine him in his underwear."

"Oh no he's hot!"

40. "Well Squiddy, this is exactly how I pictured your band would look."

"That's his eager face."

41. "I know! We can act like plants! Photosynthesis. Photosynthesis."

42. "Welcome to our club! Welcome to our club! Welcome Squidward! Welcome Squidward! Welcome Squidward! Welcome Squidward! Welcome Squidward!"

43. "Thank you, Mr.... Tennisballs!"


44. "Firmly grasp it in your hand."

45. "And all that running is good for your buns and thighs, right?"

46. "See what I mean Patrick?"

"Where's the leak, ma'am?"

47. "Hmm... property of Squidward Tentpoles."


48. "You okay Patrick?"


49. "Happy Birthday! Here's your present! You're welcome."

50. "Hey pal, you just blow in from stupid town?"

51. "Whoever's the owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on."

52. "Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else?"

"Not until 4."

53. "Hi Spongeboob!"

54. "Gee Patrick, I didn't know you spoke bird."

"No, that's Italian, Spongebob."

55. "Hey Patrick, are you angry too?"


"What's the matter?"

"I can't see my forehead."


57. "I'm ugly and I'm proud."

58. "I'm not just ready, I'm ready Freddy."

"It's Larry."

59. "Ravioli ravioli, give me the formuoli."


61. "Weewoo...weewoo... WEEWOO WEEWOO WEEWOO!"

62. "I'll evacuate the customers, you call the Navy!"

"Hello operator? Get me the Navy!"

"Hello, you've reached the Navy's automated phone service."

"Squidward, the robots are running the Navy!"


63. "Being a lifeguard is so dumb. All they do is blow blow blow on their stupid whistles! Rub rub rub that white stuff on their noses. And show off their gross, misshapen bodies!"


65. "Oh, so this is the thanks I get for working overtime."


66. "Just look at him. Square. The shape of evil!"


68. "Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen.... It was his hat Mr. Krabs! He was number one!"

69. "I guess you're gonna miss the panty raid."

"Panty raid? You're talking about girls, right? Girl girls?"


"And you're talking about raiding their dressers for their underpants, right?"

"Oh yeah."

"Well, count me in!"

70. "Hey Patrick what am I now?"

"Umm... stupid?"

"No, I'm Texas!"

"What's the difference?"

71. "Spongebob, where's my order?"

"Did you look under the tray?"

"Oh. No I didn't, sorry."

72. "OW! I burnt my hand! At night."

73. "The best time to wear a striped sweater..... is all the time. One with a collar, turtleneck! That's the kind."

74. "Are ya feelin' it now Mr. Krabs?"

75. "Imagination!"

76. "I don't need it.... I don't need it.... I NEED IT!"

77. "Hey Patrick."


"I thought of something funnier than 24."

"Let me hear it."


78. "Mi Hoy Minoy!"

79. "First get a jar. Patrick, that's a pickle."


80. "Oh, the Magic Conch Shell! Ask it something! Ask it something!"

81. "This is not your average, everyday darkness. This is ADVANCED darkness."

82. “I’ll have you know that I stubbed by toe last week while watering my spice garden and I only cried for 20 minutes.”

83. “Are you open?"

"Read the sign."

“I’ll have a Krabby Patty Deluxe and some double chili kelp fries.”

84. "We should take Bikini Bottom and push it somewhere else!"

85. "Oh, these aren't homemade. They were made in a factory.... a bomb factory. They're bombs."

86. "Hey everybody, it's Leif Erikson Day! Hinga dinga durgen!"

87. “You don’t need a license to drive a sandwich.”

88. “Well, it’s no secret that the best thing about a secret is secretly telling someone your secret, thereby secretly adding another secret to their secret collection of secrets, secretly.”

89. "We finally got enough people for a seven mile spanking machine!"

90. "Hey Sandy watch me do the 'Grouchy Squidward'."

"Stop naming moves after me!"

"Everybody's an idiot except for me."

"Well it's true."

91. "What could be better than serving up smiles?"

"Being dead or anything else."

92. "The door is locked and the only way out is through the... perfume department..."

93. "You're making me claustrophobic."

"What does claustrophobic mean?"

"It means he's afraid of Santa Claus."

"No, it doesn't."


"Stop it Patrick, you're scaring him!"

94. "What do you normally do when I'm gone?"

"Wait for you to get back."

95. "I can't hear you, it's too dark in here."

96. "Are you ready to go crazy?"

"I'm already hearing voices!"

97. "Did you see my underwear?"

"No, Patrick."

"Did you want to?"

98. "Patrick, just how dumb are you?"

"It varies."

99. "Do you smell it? That smell.. the kind of smelly smell.. the smelly smell that smells.... smelly."

100. "That's it mister, you just lost your brain privileges!"

Cover Image Credit: Flickr.com

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Why High School Musicals Should Be As Respected As Sports Programs Are

The arts are important, too.

When I was in middle school and high school, I felt like I lived for the musicals that my school orchestrated.

For those of you who don't know, a musical is an onstage performance wherein actors take on roles that involve singing, and often dancing, to progress the plot of the story. While it may sound a little bit nerdy to get up in front of an audience to perform in this manner, this is something you cannot knock until you try it.

For some reason, though, many public schools have de-funded arts programs that would allow these musicals to occur, while increasing the funding for sports teams. There are a few things that are being forgotten when sports are valued more than musical programs in high schools.

Much like athletic hobbies, an actor must try-out, or audition, to participate in a musical. Those best suited for each role will be cast, and those who would not fit well are not given a part. While this may sound similar to trying out for say, basketball, it is an apples to oranges comparison.

At a basketball try-out, those who have the most experience doing a lay-up or shooting a foul shot will be more likely to succeed, no questions asked. However, for an audition, it is common to have to learn a piece of choreography upon walking in, and a potential cast member will be required to sing a selected piece with only a few days of preparation.

There are many more variables involved with an audition that makes it that much more nerve-racking.

The cast of a school musical will often rehearse for several months to perfect their roles, with only several nights of performance at the end. Many sports practice for three or four days between each of their respective competitions. While this may seem to make sports more grueling, this is not always the case.

Musicals have very little pay-off for a large amount of effort, while athletic activities have more frequent displays of their efforts.

Athletes are not encouraged to but are allowed to make mistakes. This is simply not allowed for someone in a musical, because certain lines or entrances may be integral to the plot.

Sometimes, because of all the quick changes and the sweat from big dance numbers, the stage makeup just starts to smear. Despite this, an actor must smile through it all. This is the part of musicals that no sport has: introspection.

An actor must think about how he or she would respond in a given situation, be it saddening, maddening, frightening, or delightful. There is no sport that requires the knowledge of human emotion, and there is especially no sport that requires an athlete to mimic such emotion. This type of emotional exercise helps with communications and relationships.

Sports are great, don't get me wrong. I loved playing volleyball, basketball, track, and swimming, but there were no experiences quite like those from a musical. Sports challenge the body with slight amounts of tactic, while musicals require much physical and mental endurance.

The next time you hear someone say that it's “just a musical," just remember that musicals deserve as much respect as sports, since they are just as, if not more demanding.

Cover Image Credit: Cincinnati Arts

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10 Shows To Watch If You're Sick Of 'The Office'

You can only watch it so many times...


"The Office" is a great show, and is super easy to binge watch over and over again! But if you're like me and you're looking for something new to binge, why not give some of these a try? These comedies (or unintentional comedies) are a great way to branch out and watch something new.

1. "New Girl"

A show about a group of friends living in an apartment in a big city? Sound familiar? But seriously, this show is original and fresh, and Nick Miller is an icon.

2. "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend"

Ya'll have been sleeping on this show. It's a musical comedy about a girl that follows her ex boyfriend across the country. I thought it sounded horrible so I put it off for WAY too long, but then I realized how incredible the cast, music, writing, and just EVERYTHING. It really brings important issues to light, and I can't say too much without spoiling it. Rachel Bloom (the creator of the show) is a woman ahead of her time.

3. "Jane the Virgin"

I know... another CW show. But both are so incredible! Jane The Virgin is a tongue-in-cheek comedy and parody of telenovelas. It has so many twists and turns, but somehow you find yourself laughing with the family.

4. "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"


Brooklyn Nine-Nine has been in popular news lately since its cancellation by Fox and sequential pickup by NBC. It's an amazing show about cops in, you guessed it, Brooklyn. Created by the amazing Michael Schur, it's a safe bet that if you loved "The Office" you'll also love his series "Brooklyn Nine-Nine".

5. "The Good Place"

Another series created by the talented Micael Schur, it's safe to say you've probably already heard about this fantasy-comedy series. With a wonderful cast and writing that will keep you on your toes, the show is another safe bet.

6. "Fresh Off The Boat"

Seriously, I don't know why more people don't watch this show. "Fresh Off The Boat" focuses on an Asian family living in Orlando in the mid 90s. Randall Parks plays a character who is the polar opposite of his character in "The Interview" (Yeah, remember that horrifying movie?) and Constance Wu is wonderful as always.

7. "Full House"

Why not go back to the basics? If you're looking for a nostalgic comedy, go back all the way to the early days of Full House. If you're a '98-'00 baby like me, you probably grew up watching the Tanner family on Nick at Night. The entire series is available on Hulu, so if all else fails just watch Uncle Jesse and Rebecca fall in love again or Michelle fall off a horse and somehow lose her memory.

8. "Secret Life of the American Teenager"

Okay, this show is not a comedy, but I have never laughed so hard in my life. It's off Netflix but it's still on Hulu, so you can watch this masterpiece there. Watch the terrible acting and nonsense plot twists drive this show into the ground. Somehow everyone in this school dates each other? And also has a baby? You just have to watch. It might be my favorite show of all time.

9. "Scrubs"

Another old show that is worth watching. If you ignore the last season, Scrubs is a worthwhile medical comedy about doctors in both their personal and medical life. JD and Turk's relationship is one to be jealous of, and one hilarious to watch. Emotional at times, this medical drama is superior to any medical drama that's out now.

10. "Superstore"

I was resistant to watch this one at first, because it looked cheesy. But once I started watching I loved it! The show is a workplace comedy, one you're sure to love if you can relate to working in retail. If you liked the Office, you'll like Superstore!

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