100 Of The Best One-Liners Overheard In Bikini Bottom

100 Of The Best One-Liners Overheard In Bikini Bottom

"Our C A M P F I R E S O N G Song!"

Everyone loves the sponge who lives in a pineapple under the sea and all of his underwater pals.

Now, you can reminisce on all the good laughs Spongebob, Patrick, Squidward, and the gang have brought us for years and years to come.

Spongebob was by far the greatest thing to ever come from our generation. Whether you're a kid, a teenager, an adult, or a senior, Spongebob is a TV show for all ages - even with the sneaky little sexual innuendos, included below.

And before we begin, let's admit it: the Bubble Bowl will forever be better than any halftime show the NFL tries to pull off.

1. [chirp chirp]

"Eh sorry I don't speak Italian."

2. "Excuse me, sir. I hope my horrible ugliness won't be a distraction to you."

3. "That hat makes you look like a girl."

"Am I a pretty girl?"

"Uh.. Well... Um.. You're.. You're beautiful."


5. "Could I get a couple of ice cubes?"

"April Fools!"

"What did you do to my drink!?"

"You asked for a couple of ice cubes in your drink, and I only put in one!"

6. "Punch yourself in the face. Doesn't that hurt you?"

"Do you want it to hurt me, Kevin?"

7. "Is this the Krusty Krab?"

"No this is Patrick."

"Is this the Krusty Krab?"

"No this is Patrick."

"Is this the Krusty Krab?"


8. "Can I be excused for the rest of my life?"

9. "Goodness Lesson Number 1: You see someone drop their wallet. Patrick drop the wallet. Now what would you do?"

"Excuse me, sir. But I do believe you've dropped your wallet."

"Doesn't look familiar to me."

"What? I just saw you drop it. Here."

"Nope it's not mine."

"It is yours, I am trying to be a good person and return it to you."

"Return what to who?"

"Aren't you Patrick Star?"


"And this is your I.D."


"I found this I.D. in this wallet and if that's the case this must be your wallet!"

"That makes sense to me."

"Then take it."

"It's not my wallet."

10. "Now you must acquire a taste for free form jazz."

11. "Can you take hats in a dignified and sophisticated manner?"

"You mean like a weenie? Okay! May I take your hat, sir? May I take your hat, sir? May I.."

"Alright, I've heard enough. You've got the job."

12. "I hate all of you."

13. "Alright pinhead, your time is up."

"Who you callin' pinhead?"

14. "Is mayonnaise an instrument?"

"No Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument."

15. "It's called the 'Ugly Barnacle'. Once there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The End."

16. "You got it set to M for Mini when it should be set to W for Wumbo."

"Patrick I don't think wumbo is a real word."

"Come on, you know, I wumbo, you wumbo, he/she/me wumbo. Wumbo, wumboing, will have he wumbo, wumbo mama. Wumbology, the study of wumbo! It's first grade Spongebob!"

"Patrick, I'm sorry I doubted you."

17. "You may be an open book, Spongebob, but I'm a bit more complicated than that. The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma."

18. "So you mean to say they've taken what we thought we think and make us think we thought our thoughts we've been thinking our thoughts we think we thought, I think?"

19. Congratulations sir. Your Krabby Patty pizza is here!"

"Wow thanks. I've been dying for one of these. Where's my drink?"

"What drink?"

"My drink! My diet Dr. Kelp! Don't tell me you forgot my drink!"

"But you didn't order any.."

"How am I supposed to eat this pizza without my drink?!"

20. "Please, please, quiet! Is this anyway to behave, hmm? Can we show a little decency and form a neat single file line in front of the register?"

21. "So if we play loud, people might think we're good."

22. "Wake me up when I care."

23. "That is the stupidest dance move I've ever seen."

"Who put you on the planet?"


25. "We're on a baby hunt and don't think we don't know how to weeeeddd 'em out."

26. "I defy you heartman!"

27. "9,997. 9,998. 9,999. 10,000! Where's the X? It's supposed to be right here. 10,000 paces East."

"Oh, East? I thought you said Weast."

28. "This is a load of barnacles."

29. "Welcome to the Salty Spitoon, how tough are ya?"

30. "This isn't me millionth dollar. This is an ordinary dollar that's been crumbled up, torn slightly, soaked in the lagoon, and kissed with Coral Blue #2 semigloss lipstick."

31. "HI MAILMAN! Okay see you tomorrow!"

32. "I've soiled the good Krusty Krab name! SOILED IT! SOILED IT! SOILED IT!"


33. "Oh, please. I have no soul."

34. "OH BOY, 3 A.M!"

35. "The Krusty Krab pizza is the pizza absolute-tively!"

36. "Okay Spongebob, you can be Dirty Dan. I just wanna be Patrick."

37. "Win this one because I told ya to."

38. "Sorry Patrick, but the door is slippery. It's frozen shut!"

"Let me have a try. OPEN SESAME! Well I've done all I can do."

39. "Don't be intimidated Squidward – try to imagine him in his underwear."

"Oh no he's hot!"

40. "Well Squiddy, this is exactly how I pictured your band would look."

"That's his eager face."

41. "I know! We can act like plants! Photosynthesis. Photosynthesis."

42. "Welcome to our club! Welcome to our club! Welcome Squidward! Welcome Squidward! Welcome Squidward! Welcome Squidward! Welcome Squidward!"

43. "Thank you, Mr.... Tennisballs!"


44. "Firmly grasp it in your hand."

45. "And all that running is good for your buns and thighs, right?"

46. "See what I mean Patrick?"

"Where's the leak, ma'am?"

47. "Hmm... property of Squidward Tentpoles."


48. "You okay Patrick?"


49. "Happy Birthday! Here's your present! You're welcome."

50. "Hey pal, you just blow in from stupid town?"

51. "Whoever's the owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on."

52. "Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else?"

"Not until 4."

53. "Hi Spongeboob!"

54. "Gee Patrick, I didn't know you spoke bird."

"No, that's Italian, Spongebob."

55. "Hey Patrick, are you angry too?"


"What's the matter?"

"I can't see my forehead."


57. "I'm ugly and I'm proud."

58. "I'm not just ready, I'm ready Freddy."

"It's Larry."

59. "Ravioli ravioli, give me the formuoli."


61. "Weewoo...weewoo... WEEWOO WEEWOO WEEWOO!"

62. "I'll evacuate the customers, you call the Navy!"

"Hello operator? Get me the Navy!"

"Hello, you've reached the Navy's automated phone service."

"Squidward, the robots are running the Navy!"


63. "Being a lifeguard is so dumb. All they do is blow blow blow on their stupid whistles! Rub rub rub that white stuff on their noses. And show off their gross, misshapen bodies!"


65. "Oh, so this is the thanks I get for working overtime."


66. "Just look at him. Square. The shape of evil!"


68. "Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen.... It was his hat Mr. Krabs! He was number one!"

69. "I guess you're gonna miss the panty raid."

"Panty raid? You're talking about girls, right? Girl girls?"


"And you're talking about raiding their dressers for their underpants, right?"

"Oh yeah."

"Well, count me in!"

70. "Hey Patrick what am I now?"

"Umm... stupid?"

"No, I'm Texas!"

"What's the difference?"

71. "Spongebob, where's my order?"

"Did you look under the tray?"

"Oh. No I didn't, sorry."

72. "OW! I burnt my hand! At night."

73. "The best time to wear a striped sweater..... is all the time. One with a collar, turtleneck! That's the kind."

74. "Are ya feelin' it now Mr. Krabs?"

75. "Imagination!"

76. "I don't need it.... I don't need it.... I NEED IT!"

77. "Hey Patrick."


"I thought of something funnier than 24."

"Let me hear it."


78. "Mi Hoy Minoy!"

79. "First get a jar. Patrick, that's a pickle."


80. "Oh, the Magic Conch Shell! Ask it something! Ask it something!"

81. "This is not your average, everyday darkness. This is ADVANCED darkness."

82. “I’ll have you know that I stubbed by toe last week while watering my spice garden and I only cried for 20 minutes.”

83. “Are you open?"

"Read the sign."

“I’ll have a Krabby Patty Deluxe and some double chili kelp fries.”

84. "We should take Bikini Bottom and push it somewhere else!"

85. "Oh, these aren't homemade. They were made in a factory.... a bomb factory. They're bombs."

86. "Hey everybody, it's Leif Erikson Day! Hinga dinga durgen!"

87. “You don’t need a license to drive a sandwich.”

88. “Well, it’s no secret that the best thing about a secret is secretly telling someone your secret, thereby secretly adding another secret to their secret collection of secrets, secretly.”

89. "We finally got enough people for a seven mile spanking machine!"

90. "Hey Sandy watch me do the 'Grouchy Squidward'."

"Stop naming moves after me!"

"Everybody's an idiot except for me."

"Well it's true."

91. "What could be better than serving up smiles?"

"Being dead or anything else."

92. "The door is locked and the only way out is through the... perfume department..."

93. "You're making me claustrophobic."

"What does claustrophobic mean?"

"It means he's afraid of Santa Claus."

"No, it doesn't."


"Stop it Patrick, you're scaring him!"

94. "What do you normally do when I'm gone?"

"Wait for you to get back."

95. "I can't hear you, it's too dark in here."

96. "Are you ready to go crazy?"

"I'm already hearing voices!"

97. "Did you see my underwear?"

"No, Patrick."

"Did you want to?"

98. "Patrick, just how dumb are you?"

"It varies."

99. "Do you smell it? That smell.. the kind of smelly smell.. the smelly smell that smells.... smelly."

100. "That's it mister, you just lost your brain privileges!"

Cover Image Credit: Flickr.com

Popular Right Now

9 Reasons Crocs Are The Only Shoes You Need

Crocs have holes so your swag can breathe.

Do you have fond childhood objects that make you nostalgic just thinking about your favorite Barbie or sequenced purse? Well for me, its my navy Crocs. Those shoes put me through elementary school. I eventually wore them out so much that I had to say goodbye. I tried Airwalks and sandals, but nothing compared. Then on my senior trip in New York City, a four story Crocs store gleamed at me from across the street and I bought another pair of Navy Blue Crocs. The rest is history. I wear them every morning to the lake for practice and then throughout the day to help air out my soaking feet. I love my Crocs so much, that I was in shock when it became apparent to me that people don't feel the same. Here are nine reasons why you should just throw out all of your other shoes and settle on Crocs.

1. They are waterproof.

These bad boys can take on the wettest of water. Nobody is sure what they are made of, though. The debate is still out there on foam vs. rubber. You can wear these bad boys any place water may or may not be: to the lake for practice or to the club where all the thirsty boys are. But honestly who cares because they're buoyant and water proof. Raise the roof.

2. Your most reliable support system

There is a reason nurses and swimming instructors alike swear by Crocs. Comfort. Croc's clogs will make you feel like your are walking on a cloud of Laffy Taffy. They are wide enough that your toes are not squished, and the rubbery material forms perfectly around your foot. Added bonus: The holes let in a nice breeze while riding around on your Razor Scooter.

3. Insane durability

Have you ever been so angry you could throw a Croc 'cause same? Have you ever had a Croc bitten while wrestling a great white shark? Me too. Have you ever had your entire foot rolled like a fruit roll up but had your Crocs still intact? Also me. All I know is that Seal Team 6 may or may not have worn these shoes to find and kill Osama Bin Laden. Just sayin'.

4. Bling, bling, bling

Jibbitz, am I right?! These are basically they're own money in the industry of comfortable footwear. From Spongebob to Christmas to your favorite fossil, Jibbitz has it all. There's nothing more swag-tastic than pimped out crocs. Lady. Killer.

5. So many options

From the classic clog to fashionable sneakers, Crocs offer so many options that are just too good to pass up on. They have fur lined boots, wedges, sandals, loafers, Maryjane's, glow in the dark, Minion themed, and best of all, CAMO! Where did your feet go?!

6. Affordable

Crocs: $30

Feeling like a boss: Priceless

7. Two words: Adventure Straps

Because you know that when you move the strap from casual mode chillin' in the front to behind the heal, it's like using a shell on Mario Cart.

8. Crocs cares

Okay, but for real, Crocs is a great company because they have donated over 3 million pairs of crocs to people in need around the world. Move over Toms, the Croc is in the house.

9. Stylish AF

The boys will be coming for you like Steve Irwin.

Who cares what the haters say, right? Wear with pride, and go forth in style.

Cover Image Credit: Chicago Tribune

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From One Nerd To Another

My contemplation of the complexities between different forms of art.


Aside from reading Guy Harrison's guide to eliminating scientific ignorance called, "At Least Know This: Essential Science to Enhance Your Life" and, "The Breakthrough: Immunotherapy and the Race to Cure Cancer" by Charles Graeber, an informative and emotional historical account explaining the potential use of our own immune systems to cure cancer, I read articles and worked on my own writing in order to keep learning while enjoying my winter break back in December. I also took a trip to the Guggenheim Museum.

I wish I was artistic. Generally, I walk through museums in awe of what artists can do. The colors and dainty details simultaneously inspire me and remind me of what little talent I posses holding a paintbrush. Walking through the Guggenheim was no exception. Most of the pieces are done by Hilma af Klint, a 20th-century Swedish artist expressing her beliefs and curiosity about the universe through her abstract painting. I was mostly at the exhibit to appease my mom (a K - 8th-grade art teacher), but as we continued to look at each piece and read their descriptions, I slowly began to appreciate them and their underlying meanings.

I like writing that integrates symbols, double meanings, and metaphors into its message because I think that the best works of art are the ones that have to be sought after. If the writer simply tells you exactly what they were thinking and how their words should be interpreted, there's no room for imagination. An unpopular opinion in high school was that reading "The Scarlet Letter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne was fun. Well, I thought it was. At the beginning of the book, there's a scene where Hawthorne describes a wild rosebush that sits just outside of the community prison. As you read, you are free to decide whether it's an image of morality, the last taste of freedom and natural beauty for criminals walking toward their doom, or a symbol of the relationship between the Puritans with their prison-like expectations and Hester, the main character, who blossoms into herself throughout the novel. Whichever one you think it is doesn't matter, the point is that the rosebush can symbolize whatever you want it to. It's the same with paintings - they can be interpreted however you want them to be.

As we walked through the building, its spiral design leading us further and further upwards, we were able to catch glimpses of af Klint's life through the strokes of her brush. My favorite of her collections was one titled, "Evolution." As a science nerd myself, the idea that the story of our existence was being incorporated into art intrigued me. One piece represented the eras of geological time through her use of spirals and snails colored abstractly. She clued you into the story she was telling by using different colors and tones to represent different periods. It felt like reading "The Scarlet Letter" and my biology textbook at the same time. Maybe that sounds like the worst thing ever, but to me it was heaven. Art isn't just art and science isn't just science. Aspects of different studies coexist and join together to form something amazing that will speak to even the most untalented patron walking through the museum halls.

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