Books. We love em. We hate em.
When's the last time you've really taken something good away from reading a book? If I want to read, I will usually stick to fiction books because of the escape-from-reality appeal. That was the case until my roommate handed me a book written by Chris Voss that teaches readers the art of negotiation. "Never Split the Difference" was the first book in a long time that I have been really excited to read and want to share.
Chris Voss goes into extreme detail on how to successfully negotiate across the board whether you're selling a product, asking for a raise, or trying to diffuse a situation, etc. I got the chance to try out some of Chris Voss's most highly acclaimed methods of negotiation myself and these tips are what I believe to be the most successful.
1. Active Listening is the first and most crucial step to understanding your counterpart.
Chris Voss taught the techniques of active listening to avoid the assumptions that blind negotiators. Just from listening and not speaking, we can learn way more than we expected from individuals. Slowing things down, talking to your counterpart, and making sure they feel safe and heard is important to move forward. Usually, something interesting will be spilled and you can use that to your advantage for what you want. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason!
2. The late night DJ voice is actually something you should be using.
One of my favorite parts of the book was when the author went into detail about his "Late Night FM DJ Voice." Chris, if you haven't trademarked this yet you should. I initially laughed at this chapter because I couldn't imagine talking in a late night DJ voice to someone that I am trying to negotiate with. To my understanding negotiators were supposed to be tough, fierce and relentless. I believed that there was nothing soft and jazzy about negotiation and Chris Voss made me feel dumb. He explained that by slowing things down will make your counterpart feel safe enough to reveal themselves. Like active listening, using a soft tone will allow you to laser-focus on what the other party has to say.
3. Experiment with Tactical Empathy.
The author dedicated a large chunk of the book to his method of "labeling." Labeling is the art of hearing your counterpart's wants and repeating it back to them. It will allow you to defuse negative dynamics and bring them into the open. Mirroring is another tactic. You should always try to repeat the last three words of what someone has just said. People are drawn to what is familiar. Voss states, "mirrors encourage the other side to empathize and bond with you, keep people talking, buy your side time to regroup, and encourage your counterparts to reveal their strategy."
4. Ignore all the voices in your head.
Another favorite skill, "Never Split the Difference," taught me was to acknowledge the voices in your head. When you argue, there usually are multiple voices in your head commanding you to do different things. Instead of looking at negotiation as a battle of arguments makes it a process of discovery. Chris Voss drove his point home by noting that the goal of negotiating is to uncover as much information as possible.
5. Smile!
Put a smile on your face! I have a friend of mine who works for a university's hotline asking dozens of alumni every day to donate money. She said by putting a smile on her face she was able to remain happy and sound pleasing even if the situation wasn't going her way. The book touched on this by mentioning that smiling during a face-to-face negotiation will bring a positive frame of mind. Chris Voss argued that people will be eager to think more quickly and it creates mental agility.
Overall, my expectations for Chris Voss's book, "Never Split the Difference," were exceeded. I feel like this book gave me the confidence and the eagerness to jump into any tough situation. By remembering these five things, I am ready to make this world my oyster!
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