July 31, 2015:
My name is Dana Ruby, and I am so scared for college, as hard as it is to admit that.
I haven’t cried yet, which I guess is good, but whenever I have time to myself to think I start thinking about how crazy of an experience I am getting myself into. That’s how people explain it to me –– it’s going to be a great experience. This doesn’t really make me feel better because I use the word “experience” to describe something I’ve done, didn’t necessarily enjoy as much I would have liked, but yet I still learned something from it. So it’s a great experience, but I don’t think of it as a positive completely.
I didn’t expect anything else –– it’s college. Why would it be easy? However, right now all of the unknowns are scaring the complete crap out of me.
Unknowns: Roommates and how they’ll be, classes, social life, homesickness and dealing with life without my parents.
Holy crap. I just described my life starting in less than a month. How the hell am I supposed to be able to deal with all of these changes and differences in my life?
I haven’t really had a serious conversation with anyone about this because I haven’t really experienced this feeling as much as I’ve had these past days and weeks. Usually it would happen in a “fleeting moment” kind of thing, but now it seems to be constant. I guess I should probably talk to other people about it –– It will probably make me feel better. But how does that come up?
I don’t know.
January 24, 2016:
My name is Dana Ruby, and my life is pretty great.
I am loving my new life in New York, if it isn't already obvious by the amount of times I have gone into the city or by the amount of times I couldn't breathe because I was laughing too hard with my friends.
I have:
Learned so much, whether it be about Homer, laundry or relationships.
Gradually gotten used to the food (that said, it definitely does not beat home-cooked meals).
Met some incredibly amazing, beautiful, funny and talented people.
Do I get homesick? Of course! Sometimes the only thing I want is a hug from my mom or a night where I don't have to ignore drunk guys screaming outside my window. While my experience in college so far has been crazy, its a good crazy I wouldn't trade for anything.
I have grown in ways I would have never imagined (or maybe I did imagine them before, and I was just too scared to really consider of all the possibilities), and I have only been here for a little more than a semester. That said, if I am only a freshman and have already experienced so much, what all will I experience in the next three and a half years of my life? What all will come up?
I don't know! But I am so excited –– and ready –– to figure out!
