"Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming. When nothing is certain, anything is possible." -Anonymous
I hate waiting. By nature, I am an extremely impatient person and then, on top of that, I worry about the future all the time. I am constantly going to worst case scenario in my mind over possible outcomes for every decision I make and everything bad that happens to me and the effect they will have on the future to an almost obnoxious level. I am a planner and "doer" too, so I like to have a game plan for my life and if that plan is not followed to the tiniest little detail, I start to freak and fret. It's bad. I'm a mess. Here's the thing though, I was broken and now, after some time, I'm currently having a breakthrough.
Some lessons take time to be taught and learned and waiting, for me, was one of those lessons. I am in a point in my life to where I felt like I was on pause and stuck. I felt like I couldn't do anything and was off plan. I felt like I had no control. My plans include becoming an inspiring English teacher, having a successful and loving marriage, and working in youth and children's ministry. Where am I now you ask? I am a college student just now starting my major classes with every teacher I know telling me not to become a teacher. My relationship status is currently laying across my queen size bed with my dog on season 10 of Grey's Anatomy. I also am in no leadership roles in the church and felt like I couldn't really start getting to work in ministry because I'm young and wouldn't be considered responsible or mature enough.
Me, being...well me, was constantly in catastrophe mode. I wanted to become and do all my dreams NOW. I was also constantly wondering if everything would go according to plan and if I would accomplish everything on time. After some time God then, as He sometimes does, did something that I did not like...He humbled me. He reminded me and taught me a few of things during this time of growth.
The first: my plans and schedule are out the window. Ouch. That crumpled my OCD, label-making loving heart. I am not on my time schedule. I am on His. I was reminded of that when I read Psalm 139:10, "Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." He knew and had a plan for me before I was even born. Guess what that means? His plans were made long before my plans were made AND He has a plan for the days I haven't yet lived. I was also reminded of Ephesians 3:20, "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." His plans are far better than anything I could ever dream up and He has my best interest in mind and that's why it's best to leave the plans and timing to Him. I need to be a human being, not a human doing. Relax.
The second: enjoy the waiting. Enjoy and wait have never in my life been used in the same sentence, but that's changed. God has brought to my attention that I need to enjoy where I am in life, right now. I don't need to constantly be in fear of a future that has not happened yet. I need to relinquish control. God is using this time of waiting for my dreams to happen to mold me and prepare me for who I need to be when those dreams and what He's called me to do has happened. One of my favorite quotes is this:
"What God does in us while we wait is as important as what we are waiting for."-John Ortberg
What He is doing in my life right at this very moment doesn't need to be overlooked due to the fact that I am so focused on the end result. There are lessons to be learned NOW and things to be enjoyed NOW. I am in a time of preparation and uncertainty that is exciting. I have no clue what my future holds exactly to every detail, but I know and was promised that it would be great. When nothing is certain anything is possible.
The third: hustle. I don't need to be sitting around freaking out about if certain things that I know God has called me to do are going to get done, I need to be getting prepared for when they do happen and learning the lessons He wants me to learn along the way. I am in a time of molding, and that takes work and a lot of trust. Instead of stressing, I am getting prepared to be that inspiring English teacher, now, by taking college more seriously and learning all I can now, so I can pass on that knowledge in a way to my future students to get them excited and challenged. I am getting prepared for my future husband, now, by learning how to be "wifey material" (cooking lessons included), learning to love through Christ, and by praying for him and his family every single day. I am getting prepared to go into ministry, now, by adding on a minor of Christian Education so I can dive deeper into the Word and be trained, and just finished helping and speaking at a VBS (which was an amazing experience that scared the living daylights out of me due to my fear of public speaking, but confirmed youth and kid's ministry is where God wants me). I am not saying all of that to sound like a Mother Teresa or as a "hey look at me I finally have my life together," because I'm still a mess in need of grace with no clue as to how He's going to take my inadequacies and turn them into something He can use. I am saying all of that, though, to point to all the lessons and opportunities I would be missing out on if I just sat around and stressed over a plan that isn't even my own or in my control. The point? Work hard. Trust hard. Get prepared. Now.
Becoming is beautiful. It's a beautiful thing to be molded because it means that we are being constantly touched by The Creator. Take joy in the molding. Take joy and excitement in the uncertainty of the final result of what you will become and when. Anything is possible when you are being formed by a God with a limitless imagination and set of skills.
