I killed her. A sharp point of a compass penetrated her skin. It opened up her flesh and the blood slowly flowed out from her wrist. I mercilessly stabbed her repeatedly. The blood flowed and dropped to the floor after it gently stroked her hand, creating a pool of blood. Joy of taking someone's life ran through me. I saw her eyes. They were filled with tears. Her eyes could not hold her tears anymore and they overflowed. Tears ran down her face. They ran down her cheeks that were covered by the pimples that people detested. I suddenly realized that her reaction was very different than my expectation. I did not think that she would be sad. I expected her to be happy. Since I was ending her miserable and worthless life, I thought that she would delightful. Nevertheless, I was wrong. I was merely committing a murder.

This is a story of a murder committed by a spectator. Everything started very slowly. This murder was very similar to poisoning. This toxic process commenced at the beginning of a school year. In high school, where thirty-three teenagers are in a room, it is natural for students to form different interest groups. People in the same group usually hung out together. Through making and being involved in groups, most people were able to hang out with those who were agreeable to them and avoid unnecessary conflicts. Not only did these groups prevent conflicts, but they also provided a social protection. When one had committed an action that was not acceptable to a group, one's own group often interceded and protected one from being socially put down. The problem for a few people was that they did not belong to any groups. They were the outcasts of the class. They were often put down both socially and personally, which made them the easy targets of oppression. Those who were on the side of imposing such oppression had strong social power. They were successful and intelligent. They knew how to avoid the responsibilities of their wrong-doing.

In order to avoid punishment, the oppressors chose their targets with a caution. They would prey on the people who would not stand up for themselves. This happened in a very subtle manner. The victims were often those who were obnoxious and rude. They were the kind of people that were not loved by most of the people. However, the victim of this particular case was not an obnoxious person. She was rather quiet and anti-social. She never voiced her opinions or actively talked to another person. Most of her conversations were private questions to the teachers about lectures. The only reason she was chosen as a target was outrageously unreasonable and unjust. She was a casualty of the oppression merely because she was aesthetically displeasing. The oppressors approached her very carefully. They started to call her names at first. They called her an “orc scholar.” They equated her appearance to that of the Orcs in the movie The Lord of the Rings and belittled her obsession with academics.This was insulting, yet not worthy of a severe punishment in teacher’s eyes. Knowing that no one would listen to her, she did not respond, which secured her position as a victim. Even if she had responded, the teachers would merely tell the persecutors to apologize, which would not solve any problem.

After choosing a victim, the oppressors isolated the victim in order to remove any chance of receiving punishment for their behavior and to separate her from any group who might help her. There were numerous different methods to accomplish their goal. In this case, they created a fear among their classmates to gain control. Tyrants find it very effective and satisfying to rule over people with fear. However, they did not hold any more authority than the other classmates had allowed them to hold; they had to earn the authority with fear. In this particular case, they used mental and physical abuse to earn control among the classmates. They belittled her every time that they could. Most of their abuses were quite silly and trivial. It was often a remark saying she smelled bad – specifically her breath. These remarks were done in sly and humorous manners, where it was hard for the teachers to take such remarks as a serious insult. Teachers merely considered them silly jokes that teenage boys often make, and merely made them apologize. Nevertheless, when the teachers were not around, their attack towards the victim was more severe. They poured rotten milk all over the victim's textbooks and wrote threatening and insulting messages in her notebooks. They made their classmates fear them by creating an atmosphere where anyone could join them to belittle the victim, and it was a natural thing to do so. Their logic was that her appearance was disturbing and what they were doing was a due punishment that she deserved. This was completely illogical and absurd. Nevertheless, this was an extremely effective way to prevent classmates from standing up for her, because this also meant that anyone in the class could be preyed on at any point without sensible reasoning. In fact, it would have been very easy for one to stop this kind of oppression at this stage. Although it was not impossible to stop the oppressors, it came with a great deal of risk: the possibility of being the next victim.

If someone had stood up for the victim, the oppressors would have stopped. In this specific case, that would have been the best option. There was no actual reason for them to attack her; she was quiet and did not do any harm to them. Unfortunately, no one stood up for her. After this stage, every single spectator, including myself, was an active participant in this murder. Although there were some people who talked trash behind the oppressors' backs, such actions did not hold any meaning. They were cowardly spectating while they were pulling a trigger of a gun. Not a single person in the class could avoid the responsibility of the murder. The only difference between the oppressor and spectator was that spectators did not initiate the murder.

After a while, the victim realized that there was absolutely no way for her to get out of this situation by herself. Therefore, she talked to the teachers about this issue. She had more than enough evidence to prove that this was not merely a joke. Threatening notes, textbooks that were soaked with rotten milk and her broken phone proved that it was more serious than the mischievous tricks of teenage boys. The teachers, however, could not just go ahead and punish the students that the victim accused of the deed because the teachers needed definitive proof to do so. Therefore, they chose a classic and ineffective method to assure the truth of an accusation. During the first class of the day, they handed out papers to each student and told them to write about what they knew about this incident. However, what the teachers received in return were empty papers or doodles that students drew on the paper. By hiding the oppressors, the spectators stabbed the victim again. The teachers were forced to choose a different method. They asked the students that the victim had accused of oppression to come to the office. They asked them questions. The oppressors, however, had been in this kind of situation many times and knew the answers that the teachers wanted. At the end, this whole accusation was dismissed and the oppression continued. The oppression had achieved victory over justice.

The victim's attempt to change the situation only enraged the oppressors. The assault towards the victim was quite inhumane. She was forbidden to be treated as a human by anyone. She always smelled terrible because the oppressors threw disgusting objects on her. She hit the bottom of her life. I predicted that she would transfer to another school. It was impossible for her to escape this situation. Nevertheless, I was wrong. She chose a radical and dramatic way to express her pain. It was a very unequivocal statement. During a math exam, I heard someone sobbing. I thought that it was a student crying because he or she had screwed up their exam. I looked up, and discovered who was sobbing. I froze. The victim was stabbing her wrist repeatedly. I looked at her face. Her face was filled with agony and covered with tears. I felt as though I was the very person who was cutting her wrist. I felt guilty, and I was. I could not express myself, for I was in shock. I gathered myself together and shouted at my classmates. I told them to stop her. No one moved. Some of the oppressors even started to laugh. The person behind her stood up and took the compass from victim’s hand. She was still bleeding. There was blood everywhere. The teacher walked in. She asked us how did this happen. No one answered. I told the teacher that she did this to herself, and someone had stopped her. Nevertheless, I knew deep inside that I was the one who had stabbed her. I did this. I killed her.

The art of murder is not in a physical killing; however, it is in taking away an individual's right to have the least amount of respect as a human being. The act of pushing another to kill oneself is the true art of murder. I wish that I could run away from this guilt. This should not have happened. I was not supposed to killed her. But at the end of the day, I am fully aware of who I am: a murderer.